This Is Me... Then is the third studio album by American singer Jennifer Lopez. It was released on November 25, 2002, by Epic Records. Prior to its release, Lopez began a high-profile relationship with Ben Affleck and a media circus ensued. Her relationship with Affleck served as her main inspiration for the album, which is dedicated to him. Initially scheduled to be released the following year, This Is Me... Thens release date was quickly pushed forward after its lead single, "Jenny from the Block", was purposely leaked by Tommy Mottola, the head of Sony Music Entertainment.
For the album's recording, Lopez once again recruited Cory Rooney, Troy Oliver and Dan Shea, all of whom she had worked with on her previous albums. She decided to shift away from a dance-pop to more of an R&B and soul sound, influenced by the soul music she grew up listening to. The record's throwback material was integrated with mainstream hip hop and pop music. During its production, Lopez was influenced by the works of Michael Jackson, Luther Vandross and Stevie Wonder among others.
This Is Me... Then received mixed reviews from music critics. Some praised its musical direction, deeming it her strongest album to date, whilst others criticized its production and Lopez's vocal performance. The album went on to achieve commercial success, reaching number two in the United States where it has sold 2.6 million copies. It also reached the top ten in countries such as Canada, France, Germany, Japan, the Netherlands, Sweden, and Switzerland, selling over 6 million copies worldwide.
The album's lead single, "Jenny from the Block" featuring Styles P and Jadakiss of The Lox, became an international success, peaking at three in the United States. However, its release was followed by the notoriety of its music video, which featured Affleck. The single has since been used as a nickname for Lopez in the media, known as one of her signature songs. The album's second single "All I Have" featuring rapper LL Cool J also achieved commercial success, becoming her fourth number-one single in the United States. "I'm Glad", the third single, performed moderately. The single's music video was met with critical acclaim, but caused controversy for recreating scenes from the 1983 film Flashdance. Sony and Lopez were sued over this, but the lawsuit was dismissed. This Is Me... Then spawned a fourth single entitled "Baby I Love U!"
On November 25, 2022, which was the album's 20th anniversary, Lopez announced that she would be releasing a sequel album in 2024 titled This Is Me... Now.
Background
In June 2002, Lopez split from her former back-up dancer Cris Judd to pursue a relationship with Academy Award winning actor and director, Ben Affleck, "Hollywood's Golden Boy". That November, Affleck proposed, resulting in a higher amount of attention towards the couple. The public and media began to refer to them as "Bennifer" and they became a prominent supercouple in the media and popular culture. "Bennifer" became a popular term, which was eventually entered into urban dictionaries and neologism dictionaries as notable, and the name blend started the trend of other celebrity couples being referred to by the combination of each other's first names.
Speaking of the publicity, Lopez told MTV News: "We try [to keep things private]." "I'm not saying there's not times that we wish [we] could just be going to the movies and come out and there's not a crowd there waiting. You just want to spend your Sunday afternoon not working, but at the same time we both love what we do. If that's something that's part of it, then that's fine. We feel the love and we're very happy about it," she stated. While speaking of the damage that could be caused, Lopez said: "I think [the media can cause damage] if it's not a real thing. I've been in relationships where they were kind of unstable, and so the media messed with it a lot." The overexposure from the media and public interest in their relationship resulted in less admiration for their work and negatively affected their careers.
Writing and recording Affleck became Lopez's muse when writing and recording the album. "I wrote a lot of songs inspired, in a way, by what I was going through at the time that this album was being made, and he was definitely a big part of that," she told MTV News. The singer took more of a "hands-on role", co-writing more material than she had on her previous albums. The album was titled This Is Me... Then, as it was something she wanted to look back on in retrospection. Lopez explained, "Who you are at that time, what kind of music you like, what kind of beats you're into, what kind of state of mind you're in, what you're attracted to ... it's all very telling of where you are in your life at that point. ... Twenty years from now, if I give this [album] to one of my kids, I'll be like, 'This was me then, at that moment.'" Lopez dedicated the album to Affleck, with the words "You are my life ... my sole inspiration for every lyric, every emotion, every bit of feeling on this record" written on the disc jacket. As of 2022, he remains the only man she has done this romantic gesture to.
Lopez wrote lyrics for the album in a small red leather diary, which she described as her "magic book". In it, she often scribbled down her thoughts and ideas. The album's artwork and liner notes were modeled after this book, which would "further the feel of an intimate portrait of Lopez's soul". "I wanted the pictures to look kind of aged, like it was a scrapbook. ... All the writing [in it] is all kinds of crazy and upside down and sideways just as it is in my book," Lopez stated. While creating the album, she listened to a vast range of blues and soul music, which she listened to growing up. Artists such as Stevie Wonder, Luther Vandross and Michael Jackson among other had a profound influence on the album's sound. According to Lopez, she attempts to "elicit a similar feeling" in her own songwriting from these artists' songs on the album, because they made her "heart sing". Vandross and Wonder's records "just stay with you" according to Lopez, who wanted to make something that was true to her upbringing as well as her current love life.
The majority of This Is Me... Then was recorded over two weeks. Lopez was drawn to the "contagious" melodies of Michael Jackson's album Off the Wall (1979), which led her to summon the record's mixer and engineer, Bruce Swedien, to work on This Is Me... Then. Lopez felt that Jackson's "clear and spacious" records made her feel a "certain way". She said, "It has such a beautiful quality on it, and every time I looked at a record [I liked], it would be engineered and mixed by Bruce Swedien. I was like, 'Who is this guy? I want this guy.' So I tracked him down and he was like, 'I want to do something with her. I know exactly what she needs. I'm coming in.' And it made a huge difference." Lopez worked closely with longtime producer Cory Rooney on the album. Discussing the process, Rooney stated, "This is by far the best record that I've ever worked on or done [...] In the beginning of the recording [process] she said it's important that she makes a record that is a few notches above everything else she did. She wanted to show growth musically and vocally." Other producers Lopez worked with primarily were Troy Oliver, Loren Hill and Dan Shea. She had previously collaborated with Oliver and Shea on J.Lo (2001).
Lopez has cited this album as her favorite album she has ever done many times over the years. Saying in part: "At that time I truly realized that being an artist meant you have to be vulnerable and bare your heart and soul...it takes courage to do that...to really show who you are at any given moment in time."
Composition
This Is Me... Then was considered a departure from Lopez's previous work, with more of an adult-oriented contemporary R&B sound, which included multiple ballads. The Age newspaper described the album as a "declaration of love" for Ben Affleck. Boston Globes Steve Morse wrote, "[the] love affair has fired up Hollywood and now pop listeners can now share the vibe. This is one hot album, as [Lopez] sings to lovers everywhere with a soulful passion that will quicken pulses and libidos." Entertainment Weekly described it as having a Minnie Riperton sound, while The Guardian noted the musical influence of Diana Ross and likened its sensuality to Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On (1973). The album evokes 1970s soul music, and blends "streetwise" hip hop with "old-school soul".
The album's opening song, "Still" is built around a sample from Teddy Pendergrass' "Set Me Free", and its lyrics concern an ex-lover. Entertainment Weekly observed that it may be about Lopez's ex-boyfriend Sean Combs, with lyrics such as "Do you ever wish we never split?" The song was likened to the music of Deniece Williams. "Loving You" samples Mtume's "Juicy Fruit" and George Benson's "Never Give Up on a Good Thing", while the ballad "I'm Glad" incorporates a part of Schooly D's "P.S.K. What Does It Mean?". The instrumentation of "I'm Glad" consists of a piano, guitar and classical harp runs, which are laced throughout a computer-generated beat. In "I'm Glad", Lopez discusses finding true love, and declares "I think I'm in love/Damn, finally!" Two versions of the song "The One" are featured on the album. The first version, which is the fourth track on the album, is based around "You Are Everything" by The Stylistics.
"Dear Ben", originally titled "Perfect", opens to an "atmosphere of lush strings and sparse percussion", described as a "starry-eyed paean to fiancé Ben Affleck". It contains lyrics which detail the characteristics of Lopez's perfect man, such as "You will always be ... To me, my lust, my love, my man, my child, my friend and my king" and "God made you for me". "Dear Ben" was considered a profession of Lopez's love for Affleck to the media, and has been described as the album's "glowing centerpiece". Lopez made the decision to change the song's title to "Dear Ben" the day before This Is Me... Then was sent for manufacturing. "All I Have", a duet with LL Cool J which samples Debra Law's "Very Special", is a breakup song, and has been noted to conjure up her publicized split with Combs. "Jenny from the Block" features lyrics about Lopez remaining humble despite fame and fortune. It samples several songs, including "Hijack" by Enoch Light and KRS-One's "South Bronx". The Age wrote that the song intones Lopez's "modest childhood roots, vowing she wishes to remain simple despite her diamonds", while MTV said that she finds "the middle ground between Hollywood A-Lister and Big Apple B-Girl" on the "club-banging" song. In the ballad "Again", Lopez considers finding love again; "I was scared to let go and trust your love," she sings in the second verse. The theme of Lopez's relationship with Affleck is also evident in the vintage-sounding mid-tempo song "Baby I Love U!", which features a guitar and piano instrumentation that includes a "haunting" interpolation from the theme of the film Midnight Cowboy (1969). The song, described as "cheesy" and "blissful", has Lopez singing about being a hopeless romantic ("Can you love me for a lifetime/ In just one night?"). The album closes with a second version of "The One"; this version contains a slightly different production and a new verse was written in place of the original. The lyrical content remains the same. Both the album and song end with Lopez singing "I can be anything you need", like in the original, except silence is heard after that line is said.
Singles