Mr. Mulliner Speaking is a collection of nine short stories by P. G. Wodehouse. It was first published in the United Kingdom on April 30, 1929, by Herbert Jenkins, and in the United States on February 21, 1930, by Doubleday, Doran.McIlvaine (1990), pp. 55–56, A40. The stories were originally published in magazines in the UK and the US between 1924 and 1929.
All stories are narrated by the inexorable raconteur Mr. Mulliner, a fisherman who tells stories at the Angler's Rest about members of his prodigious family, including one who is also a member of the Drones Club. The last three of the stories are about Bobbie Wickham; they were revised and given a Mr. Mulliner frame for the book.
Contents
"The Reverent Wooing of Archibald" UK: Strand, August 1928 US: Cosmopolitan, September 1928
The story features Mr Mulliner's nephew Archibald Mulliner, the sock collector who can mimic a hen laying an egg, and his love Aurelia Cammarleigh. They also appear in "Archibald and the Masses" and "The Code of the Mulliners", both collected in Young Men in Spats (1936).
Plot At the Angler's Rest, the subject of the "Modern Girl" comes up, and four drinkers believe that girls are smaller than before. They agree that it is impossible to understand why. Mr Mulliner interrupts to disagree with his companions, claiming that the disappearance of the "dignified, queenly type of girl" occurred because young men do not have the nerve to propose to them and their disappearance was Nature's method of ensuring the continuation of humanity. He had become convinced that this was the case upon observing the behavior of his nephew Archibald when he was in love with Aurelia Cammarleigh.
Archibald first saw Miss Cammarleigh from out the window of the Drones Club and, though he immediately fell in love, he was careful to mask his feelings when enquiring of a fellow Drone, Algy Wymondham-Wymondham, whether he knew her. Algy does, and informs Archibald of her name as well as her family circumstances: she lives in Park Street with a "potty" aunt, who believes that Francis Bacon wrote the plays attributed to William Shakespeare.
Archibald departs to buy socks and contemplate whether Aurelia would be attracted to him. He thinks she seems very dignified and sophisticated, and concludes that his primary talent, a masterful impression of a hen laying an egg, is insufficient; indeed, he becomes convinced that she would be put off by such a vulgar display. Consequently, when he first meets her at Ascot several weeks thereafter, he denies vehemently the ability to do the impression when she mentions that she heard that he could do the imitation. He reads about Shakespeare and Bacon for two weeks in order to impress Aurelia's aunt with his knowledge of them. This results in the aunt inviting Archibald to her country house.
He goes to the house, tries to impress Aurelia and her aunt by not smoking or drinking, and endures abstruse conversation with Aurelia's aunt, but is too nervous to speak to Aurelia. At night, Archibald eavesdrops on Aurelia and her friend Muriel. Aurelia tells her friend that she is disappointed that what Algy told her about Archibald's ability to imitate a hen laying an egg is not true, and thinks Archibald is too uptight. He also hears that Aurelia plans to play a prank on him by sending her bulldog into his room through the window. When Archibald hears her outside his window, he starts to give his imitation of a hen laying an egg. Aurelia is awestruck by his performance. She now sees that he is not uptight like she thought and they embrace. Archibald admits that he does smoke and drink, and that he actually dislikes Aurelia's aunt, which pleases Aurelia.
"The Man Who Gave Up Smoking" UK: Strand, March 1929 US: Liberty, 23 March 1929
Plot
An argument in the Angler's Rest about giving up smoking leads to Mr Mulliner telling the following story about his nephew Ignatius Mulliner, a portrait-painter.
Ignatius loves Hermione Rossiter and has proposed to her multiple times, but she has always turned him down. Hoping to find out why she has rejected him, Ignatius asks her brother Cyprian. Cyprian, a haughty art critic, claims that Hermione told him she did not like Ignatius because he was too similar to her other brother George, who does no work and lives on borrowed money. George, on the other hand, says that Hermione told him that Ignatius was too much like Cyprian. The only thing the brothers have in common is that they are heavy smokers, like Ignatius, so he believes that Hermione dislikes his smoking. He decides to give up smoking to win her over.
Ignatius initially tries to cope with the loss of smoking by devoting himself to selfless acts. He invites Cypress to come to his flat to freely criticise his painting, and also invites George in order to give him a loan. Furthermore, he tells Hermione's mother, Mrs Rossiter, that he will paint Hermione's portrait for free. However, Ignatius is very irritable the next day. He threatens Cyprian with an ornamental dagger, kicks George, and insults Hermione's appearance. Afterward, Ignatius smokes his pipe. He becomes amiable again and regrets his words to Hermione. However, she is glad that he insulted her appearance, because she thought he had proposed to her for her looks alone and not for her intelligence, and she wants to be loved for her intelligence. They share an embrace. She explains that she compared Ignatius to her brothers because he plays the ukulele like George and wears sloppy clothes like Cyprian. Ignatius happily gives his ukulele away and goes with Hermione to a new tailor.
"The Story of Cedric" UK: Strand, May 1929 US: Liberty, 11 May 1929
Plot
Miss Postlethwaite, the popular barmaid at the Angler's Rest, has severed her engagement to Alfred Lukyn because he wanted to wear yellow shoes to church despite her objection. Mr Mullier remarks that, while a pair of yellow shoes parted Miss Postlethwaite from her fiancé, a similar pair of shoes brought Mulliner's cousin Cedric a bride.
Fastidious 45-year-old bachelor Cedric Mulliner lives at the Albany, and has an efficient secretary, Myrtle Watling. At a luncheon in Grosvenor Square, he sees a friend, Lady Chloe Downblotton. After the luncheon, they run into Lady Chloe's fiancé Claude. Lady Chloe is alarmed that Claude is wearing yellow shoes with otherwise correct morning-clothes. She asks Cedric Mulliner to trade shoes with Claude. Cedric is very fashion-conscious and reluctant to do so, but he agrees because Lady Chloe is the well-connected daughter of an earl and Cedric admires the aristocracy. After trading shoes, he immediately gets a cab to return to the Albany. However, he is unwilling to walk into the prestigious building with the wrong kind of shoes. He tells the cab-driver, Mr Lanchester, to go to the suburb Valley Fields, where Cedric's secretary lives, to get her help.
At the house, Cedric tells the cab-driver to wait, but decides he cannot face Miss Watling in morning-clothes and yellow shoes. He hears someone snoring, and looks through a window to see a man fast asleep in an armchair with black boots beside him. Cedric quietly sneaks through the window and tries to grab the boots. The man wakes up and Cedric only manages to exchange one of his yellow shoes for a black one, and drops his top hat too. Discouraged by the loss of his hat, Cedric gives up and decides to exit the house out the back, but he gets stuck in the sash window, with his head outside the house. Cedric blames Lady Chloe for his situation and now hates the aristocracy. Outside, Miss Watling sees Cedric, and he tells her his story. She states that Cedric needs someone to look after him. She does not mind taking on the job and will marry him. The man who had slept in the chair appears along with Mr Lanchester, and Myrtle tells the former, who is her father, that Cedric is her fiancé. Cedric had never thought of marrying, but he agrees anyway, since Myrtle would at least help keep him from predicaments like this and is not part of the aristocracy.
"The Ordeal of Osbert Mulliner" US: Liberty, 24 November 1928 UK: Strand, December 1928
Plot
Mr Mulliner claims that a man who has to overcome obstacles to get married will be less likely to get a divorce, because he will not take his wife for granted. He attributes the happiness of his nephew Osbert's marriage to the difficulties Osbert faced to get married. Mulliner tells the following story.
Osbert Mulliner is courting Mabel Petherick-Soames and she seems to return his feelings. One evening, just after Osbert kisses her, Mabel's cousin, intimidating explorer J. Bashford Braddock, appears. He also loves Mabel and privately threatens Osbert to stop spending time with Mabel. Afraid of Braddock, Osbert writes a letter of farewell to Mabel saying that he has been called away to Australia. The next day, Osbert is visited by Major-General Sir Masterman Petherick-Soames, Mabel's uncle. He will not allow Osbert to trifle with his niece's affections and tells him their engagement will shortly be announced.
Osbert's valet Parker informs him that Braddock has heard about announcement and will shortly visit Osbert. To avoid Braddock's wrath, Osbert tells Parker that he will leave for India and no longer needs domestic staff. Osbert also disguises himself with a wig and false whiskers. He goes to the second-hand clothing establishment of the Bros Cohen for new clothes. Unfortunately for Osbert, both Braddock and the Major-General are there. Having spent years in India, the Major-General offers to see the disguised Osbert off to his ship. Osbert fears he will be recognized out in the sunlight, so he gives up on his plan to sail. Osbert decides to run away to a suburb, but first he returns to his now unstaffed house at South Audley Street. He hides behind some curtains when he realizes two burglars are there. The burglars, Harold and Ernest, drink Osbert's wine and get into an argument with each other about good manners. They knock each other out. Osbert calls the police. Braddock comes, intending to intimidate Osbert again, but is daunted when Osbert claims he overpowered the burglars. Braddock instead asks if Osbert would like a fish-slice for a wedding present.
"Unpleasantness at Bludleigh Court" UK: Strand, February 1929 US: Liberty, 2 February 1929
Plot
A poet staying at the Angler's Rest is made uneasy after a hunter with dead rabbits stops by. Mulliner is reminded of his niece, Charlotte Mulliner.
Charlotte has an ample private income and writes "Vignettes in Verse" for artistic weekly magazines for no charge, merely because she likes to see her works published. At a literary luncheon, she meets Aubrey Bollinger, who writes "Pastels in Prose" under the name Aubrey Trefusis. Aubrey is compassionate towards animals and does not fit in with the rest of his family, who are enthusiastic about hunting. Charlotte sympathizes with Aubrey. His parents and two brothers live at Bludleigh Court in Bedfordshire, where Charlotte is supposed to visit soon since her mother was a friend of Lady Bassinger. Aubrey warns her that Bludleigh Court exercises a spell and somehow causes its inhabitants to want to hunt. Charlotte is confident she will not be affected. Regardless, Aubrey accompanies her to the house to help defend her from the influence of the house. Charlotte and Aubrey appear to have feelings for each other.