Coffee, Tea or Me? is an American made-for-television film that first aired as the season premiere of The New CBS Tuesday Night Movies on CBS on September 11, 1973. Starring Karen Valentine, John Davidson, Michael Anderson Jr., and Louise Lasser, it is a romantic comedy about a good-natured airline stewardess who has two husbands—one in Los Angeles and one in London. When she learns that she is pregnant but does not know who the father is, her two lives converge with comic results. The film is inspired by the best-selling 1967 book Coffee, Tea or Me?: The Uninhibited Memoirs of Two Airline Stewardesses, purportedly by Trudy Baker and Rachel Jones but actually by the ghostwriter Donald Bain. However, it has virtually no relation to this publication and instead more closely recalls the 1953 film The Captain's Paradise. It exemplifies the fascination with the sexual lives of stewardesses in the United States in the late 1960s and early 1970s. Although it was a ratings success, it was panned by both liberal and conservative critics.
Plot Carol (Karen Valentine) is a stewardess for Global American Airlines who flies the Los Angeles to London route. In the film's opening scene, she rushes to Heathrow Airport to catch her flight to Los Angeles with her friend and fellow stewardess, Susan Edmonds (Louise Lasser). This scene is followed by an animated title and credits sequence humorously portraying the indignities that Carol and Susan are subjected to as stewardesses, scored to a song with the same theme. Subsequent animated sequences bridge the London-based and the Los Angeles–based scenes.
Carol lives in Los Angeles with her American husband Dennis Burnham (John Davidson), a medical student who decided to become a doctor after he lost his job in the aerospace industry. Carol and Dennis have been happily married for three years. She is supporting him financially until he graduates.
Carol also has a British husband in London, Tommy Byrnes (Michael Anderson Jr.), a despondent artist she agreed to marry six months ago to stop him from jumping off the Tower Bridge. At their home, Tommy tells Carol that an art dealer in San Francisco has bought several of his paintings and promised him a solo exhibition at his gallery. She replies that he might not need her anymore because his career prospects are improving, but he ignores her.
Later, Susan sees Carol and Tommy kissing at a boutique on King's Road. On a flight to Los Angeles, Carol confesses to Susan that she has two husbands. She explains: "That's when I made this terrible discovery. … A girl like me, from a nice family, honest, moral, and absolutely, totally sincere, can be happily married to two men at the same time." She insists that nothing could go wrong because they both need her, are 6,000 miles apart, and will never meet.
At home in Los Angeles, on her third anniversary with Dennis, Carol receives a telegram from Tommy, who asks her to meet him at the Shelby Hotel in San Francisco that day. However, she tells Dennis that the telegram says that her Aunt Clarissa has died and that she must go to San Francisco immediately for the funeral. She then rushes out to catch a flight.
In San Francisco, Carol and Tommy return to the hotel after attending his exhibition opening. Tommy says that he wishes to visit Los Angeles and that he wants her to quit her job now that his career has taken off. He then goes to the reception desk to cash some traveler's checks. Coincidentally, Dennis shows up at the same time looking for Carol. He books a suite on the seventh floor—the same floor as Tommy's suite. Tommy asks the desk clerk for a recommendation for a lobster restaurant, and Dennis tells him that the hotel has the best lobster in town; the two men do not realize both are married to the same woman. Tommy arranges to have a lobster dinner with Carol served in his suite.
Carol runs into Dennis on the seventh floor. He tells her that he received a $5,000 scholarship and that he wants her to quit her job so that he can finally take care of her after she has been so supportive of him. He, too, arranges to have a lobster dinner with Carol served in his suite. Carol is now in a dilemma because she is expected to dine and then spend the night with both men. Taking advantage of Dennis's absorption in a football game on television, she shuttles between the two suites, much to the confusion of the waiter (Lou Jacobi) serving dinner to both parties. She slips a tranquilizer in Tommy's wine glass. After he passes out, she and the waiter put him to bed, and she leaves him a note saying she was called for an emergency flight to Honolulu.
A month later, Susan tells Carol that she is worried about her and encourages her to see a doctor (George Coulouris), who determines that Carol is pregnant. Carol thinks Dennis is the father, but is not sure. Susan maintains that she will have to break up with either Dennis or Tommy, but Carol replies that both need her. Susan advises her not to tell either man she is pregnant, but to feel them out to see which one wants to be a father. Tommy is excited about the possibility; Dennis is more hesitant because of the expense but admits that if she becomes pregnant, he would be happy.
Because Carol does not want to hurt either man by revealing her secret, she decides to write letters to each one saying that she is leaving him with no explanation. After he reads his letter, Dennis desperately tries to locate Carol. He tracks her London address to Tommy's home. Dennis and Tommy talk, and they discover they are both married to a stewardess from Global American Airlines, but still do not realize that she is Carol. As Dennis is leaving, Tommy receives his letter.
Dennis and Tommy separately board the same flight back to Los Angeles and are seated in the same row. They notice they both have a letter from Carol and remember they had met at the Shelby Hotel. They finally realize they are married to the same woman. They force Susan, one of the stewardesses on the flight, to reveal Carol's secret. She tells them everything, except that Carol is pregnant.
After the flight lands, Dennis and Tommy race to Susan's apartment, where Carol is residing, but Susan arrives first. Carol is planning to fly to Montreal that evening to stay with her Aunt Clarissa until the baby is born, when she will give the baby up for adoption. Susan bursts in and tells Carol they must leave immediately because Dennis and Tommy met on the plane and she told them everything. Carol responds that she has decided to tell the men the truth—that she wants a father for her baby. She also declares that Dennis is the man she really wants.
Dennis and Tommy arrive and angrily confront Carol. She reveals that she is pregnant but does not know who the father is. When the two men start arguing, she becomes upset by their insensitivity to her. She tearfully tells them she has been very devoted to them both and then storms out of the apartment to catch her flight to Montreal. Susan scolds the two men and urges them to go after her. On the plane, the stewardess offers Carol something to drink. Carol says, "I know, coffee, tea, …." Then Dennis arrives and finishes her sentence with "or me," and they embrace.
Cast Karen Valentine as Carol Burnham-Byrnes John Davidson as Dennis Burnham Michael Anderson Jr. as Tommy Byrnes Louise Lasser as Susan Edmonds Lou Jacobi as Waiter Erica Hagen as Lisa Benton George Coulouris as Doctor Nora Marlowe as Mrs Fitzgerald Kenneth Tobey as Captain James Sikking as Businessman
Production
Development Coffee, Tea or Me? is inspired by the 1967 book Coffee, Tea or Me?: The Uninhibited Memoirs of Two Airline Stewardesses, purportedly by Trudy Baker and Rachel Jones. Both women, however, are the fictional creations of the true author, Donald Bain. At the time, he was a public relations employee for American Airlines. He subsequently embarked on a lucrative career as the ghostwriter of numerous novels, including a later series of mysteries credited to the fictional detective Jessica Fletcher of Murder, She Wrote. Bain penned the book after meeting two real stewardesses, Jo Ann Blaisdell and Melva Hicks, who recounted to him their experiences in the profession. They posed as Trudy and Rachel, respectively, in promotional appearances, even though Bain was publicly identified as the book's author as early as 1971. He later told the full story of his ruse in his autobiography.
In 1968, Frank McCarthy at 20th Century-Fox optioned the film rights to the book, but he allowed the option to lapse. Subsequently, Robert Aldrich picked up the option for his independent production company, Associates & Aldrich. Aldrich was a renowned director whose recent films up to that time included What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?, Hush … Hush, Sweet Charlotte, and The Dirty Dozen. ABC Films agreed to produce the film he envisioned. He lined up Alexandra Hay, a young actress he was promoting, to star. He also commissioned a screenplay from the writer Theodore J. Flicker that emphasized the book's more sensationalistic aspects: "Ted Flicker did a very funny, very dirty script. We had our girl as the only hostess who was a virgin, who was trying not to be a virgin. In other words, we took the Doris Day formula of all those successful Pillow Talk movies and inverted it. Instead of the only girl in the office who was retaining her virginity, her friends were trying to get her laid, and something always happened to interfere." However, ABC refused to produce the project. As a result, Aldrich reacquired the film, budgeted at $1.9 million. Then, he, too, allowed his option to lapse.
In January 1972, Bain and his agent met with the producer Mark Carliner, who proposed to produce the film with CBS Television. Carliner knew Bain from a short promotional film he made about a couple from the Midwest who fly to New York for a vacation when Bain was working at American Airlines, which financed the film. He agreed to hire Bain to write the screenplay, and the deal moved forward. While Carliner was pleased with Bain's script, CBS was not and insisted that he replace Bain. He approached the screenwriter Stanley Ralph Ross. Ross recalled that Carliner told him the previous screenplay had not worked out and asked him if he had a story that related to the film's title. Almost immediately, Ross, who had not read the book, proposed a story based on an incident involving his former agent. The agent was married to a stewardess, whom Ross once saw on King's Road in London with another man. The premise of a woman juggling two husbands also recalls the plot of the 1953 comedy film, The Captain's Paradise, which stars Alec Guinness as a ferry captain with a wife in Gibraltar and a lover in Spanish Morocco.
Carliner liked the idea, and Ross proceeded to write the script in collaboration with the film's director, Norman Panama, who had directed a string of successful comedic films, and Albert E. Lewin, who had written for numerous hit sitcoms. Except for the animated title and credits sequence, the final script bears no relation to the book (although on Dennis's and Tommy's flight to Los Angeles, the following announcement is heard: "This is your stewardess Rachel Jones. Trudy Baker will be your stewardess in the forward section. …"). In addition, it is much tamer than the script that Aldrich commissioned. As Aldrich remarked, "CBS bought it and they went back to the straight title and the more mundane situation about stewardesses' lives." The only suggestive scene is one in which Dennis, who is shirtless, is in bed studying for an exam on female anatomy. Carol leans over him, kisses him, and says "it's not all printed in books." In the next scene, she comes to the defense of a fellow stewardess after a lascivious businessman (James B. Sikking) makes an unwelcome advance.