Falling in love

Falling in love is the development of strong feelings of attachment and love, usually towards another person.

The term is metaphorical, emphasizing that the process, like the physical act of falling, is sudden, uncontrollable and leaves the lover in a vulnerable state, similar to "fall ill" or "fall into a trap".

It may also reflect the importance of the lower brain centers in the process,Desmond Morris, The Naked Ape Trilogy p. 387 which can lead the rational, accounting brain to conclude (in John Cleese's words) that "this falling in love routine is very bizarre.... It borders on the occult".R. Skinner/J. Cleese, Families and how to survive them (1994) p. 15

Factors According to Albert Einstein, gravity cannot be held responsible for people "falling" in love.

Mental "Factors known to contribute strongly to falling in love include proximity, similarity, reciprocity, and physical attractiveness",R. Crooks/K. Baur, Our Sexuality (2010) p. 223 while at the same time, the process involves a re-activation of old childhood patterns of attachment.Robert M. Gordon, An Expert Looks at Love, Intimacy and Personal Growth (2008) p. xiv-v Deep-set psychological parallels between two people may also underpin their pairing-bonding, which can thus border on mere narcissistic identification.Elizabeth Young-Bruehl, Where Do We Fall When We Fall in Love? (2003) p. 20

The psychoanalyst Adam Phillips has described how illusions that occurred when falling in love resulted in disappointment when learning the truth about a lover.Adam Phillips, On Flirtation (London 1994) p. 40.

Chemical

Two chemical reactions associated with falling in love are increases in oxytocin and vasopressin;S. Kuchinskas, The Chemistry of Connection (2009) p. 88-9 and Elisabeth Young-Bruehl has suggested that "when we fall in love we are falling into a stream of naturally occurring amphetamines running through the emotional centres of our very own brains". With regard to sociobiology, it is stressed that mate selection cannot be left to the head aloneDaniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence (London 1996) p. 4 and must require complex neurochemical support.R. Crooks/K. Baur, Our Sexuality (2010) p. 186

Critics of such Neo-Darwinism point out that over-simplistic physical arguments obscure the way sexual passion often leads not to secure attachment but to attachments thwarted, as well as the sheer frightening difficulties of all falling in love.Elizabeth Young-Bruehl, Where Do We Fall When We Fall in Love? (2003) p. 5

Biologist Jeremy Griffith suggests that people fall in love in order to abandon themselves to the dream of an ideal state (being one free of the human condition).

Readiness

Timing Stendhal charted the timing of falling in love in terms of what he called crystallization—a first period of crystallization (of some six weeks)Eric Berne, Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy (1961) p. 245 which often involves obsessive brooding and the idealization of the other via a coating of desire;R. J. Sternberg/K. Weiss, A New Psychology of Love (2013) p. 125-8 a period of doubt; and then a final crystallization of love.I. A. Mabergoj, Reality and Truth in Literature (2013) p. 174

Empirical studies suggest that men fall in love earlier than women and women are quicker to fall out of love than men.E. R. Smith/D. M. Mackie, Social Psychology (2007) p. 420

Neuroscience

Falling in love

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