Nothing Serious is a collection of ten short stories by P. G. Wodehouse. It was first published in the United Kingdom on 21 July 1950 by Herbert Jenkins, London, and in the United States on 24 May 1951 by Doubleday & Co., New York.McIlvaine (1990), pp. 84–85, A70. It was published again in 2008 by The Overlook Press.
The stories mostly feature appearances from Wodehouse's recurring characters, including two Drones Club stories about Bingo Little and Freddie Widgeon, five Oldest Member golf stories, one Blandings Castle story, one Ukridge story, and a standalone story. Seven of the stories were first published in magazines, while the other three were originally published in this collection.
Contents
"The Shadow Passes" First published in this volume
Plot A Crumpet and his elderly relative are having lunch at the Drones Club when someone throws a bread roll at them. It was meant as a civil greeting to the Crumpet, though it startled his relative. It came from one of two young men at a table; one of them is the club's darts champion, Horace Pendlebury-Davenport, who would not have missed, so it must have been the other, Bingo Little. The Crumpet says that they must make allowances for Bingo, who has recently overcome an ordeal. The Crumpet tells the following story.
Bingo's wife Rosie thinks it would be sweet if the nanny who helped raise Bingo, Sarah Byles, also cares for their son Algernon "Algy" Aubrey Little. Rosie hires her, but Bingo wants to get rid of Nannie Byles after she starts telling embarrassing stories about him. Meanwhile, Bingo is in financial trouble after losing money on a horse race. Oofy Prosser, the club millionaire, has drawn Horace Davenport in the club darts sweepstakes, meaning Oofy will likey win the prize money of thirty-three pounds ten shillings.
Oofy sells Bingo the Horace ticket for five pounds, which Bingo obtains by secretly pawning his diamond cufflinks. Nannie Byles tells Rosie the cuff links were stolen. Later, Horace tells Bingo, as he previously told Oofy, that he is too upset to participate in the darts contest. He is heartbroken since Valerie Twistleton broke their engagement. Horace thinks she loves someone else. Bingo persuades Horace to compete anyway, despite his bad mood.
Bingo wants to talk to Valerie over dinner, but this may seem suspicious since Rosie is out of town, so he tells Byles he is unwell and going to bed. In fact he goes to see Valerie, and finds out that she thought Horace had fallen in love with someone else. Bingo explains that Horace thought the same thing about her. Before he can persuade her to talk to Horace, Nannie Byles shows up looking for Bingo, and Bingo flees. The next day, fellow Drones Barmy Fotheringay-Phipps and Catsmeat Potter-Pirbright tell Bingo that Horace won the contest. Horace and Valerie had talked and reconciled. Bingo buys back his cuff links. Nannie Byles told Rosie that she saw Bingo go out, but Bingo convinces Rosie that Byles is delusional about that, as well as about the cuff links being stolen, which prompts Rosie to fire Byles.
"Bramley Is So Bracing" US: Saturday Evening Post, 28 October 1939 UK: Strand, December 1940
The title derives from an advertising slogan, "Skegness is so bracing", made famous by the 1908 poster, The Jolly Fisherman.
Plot Freddie Widgeon warns other Drones not to go near the seaside town Bramley-on-Sea. A Crumpet tells the story of Freddie's ordeals there. Freddie, in love with Mavis Peasmarch, goes to the town to see her. He visits as a guest at the cottage where his friend Bingo Little and Bingo's wife Rosie are staying with their infant son, Algernon Little. Freddie meets a stout blonde-haired woman on her way to meet her gentleman friend.
Freddie learns from Mavis's father, Lord Bodsham, that Mavis's brother Wilfred attends the nearby school that Freddie once attended and which is run by Freddie's old schoolmaster the Rev. Aubrey Upjohn, St. Asaph's (possibly another name for Malvern House). Seeing the blonde woman again, Freddie is perplexed when she suddenly breaks into a run and an angry elderly man follows her. She jumps into Freddie's car and wants him to drive off, but the man catches up and threatens Freddie before pulling her away. Freddie is perturbed and confused. Mavis mistakenly thinks the old man was angry because Freddie had a fling with his daughter, the blonde woman.
To win over Mavis, Freddie decides to do a kindly act: he will get Upjohn to give the school, particularly Wilfred, a half-holiday, and in return, Freddie will get Bingo to eventually send his baby to Upjohn's school. Without permission, Freddie brings Bingo's baby to Upjohn's study. Upjohn is not present. Depressed by the memory of being punished there, Freddie steps outside and sees, over the fence, the blonde girl waving at him from a window. She conveys through gestures that she made plans to elope with a bookmaker named George Perkins, but her father, who disapproves of bookmakers, found out and locked her in her room. Freddie helps her get out. The angry old man appears and chases her, hitting her with the handle of a fork before charging threateningly at Freddie, with the fork turned around. He thinks Freddie is George Perkins. The old man trips and Freddie and the girl escape.
Freddie drives her to George's place. Realizing he left Bingo's baby in Upjohn's study, Freddie returns to the school, where Upjohn berates his former pupil for leaving the baby. Next, Freddie goes back to Bingo's residence. Bingo, worried, asks Freddie if he has seen his baby. Freddie realizes he has again forgotten the baby in Upjohn's study. He tells Bingo to collect his baby from Upjohn. Knowing Rosie will be angry with Freddie, Bingo says that Freddie should return to London. Freddie tries to explain himself to Mavis, who saw Freddie driving with the blonde woman, but the blonde woman appears, and, now happily married, kisses Freddie out of gratitude. Freddie gives up and flees Bramley-on-Sea, hoping never to return.
"Up from the Depths" First published in this volume
Plot The Oldest Member says that Ambrose Gussett will never forget his wife's birthday, and explains why by telling the following story.
Ambrose is a well-liked young doctor, and a golfer with a handicap of two. He falls in love with Evangeline Tewkesbury, who has come to the community visiting her aunt. The Oldest Member doubts that Ambrose should consider proposing to Evangeline, since she plays tennis and not golf, but Ambrose says he loves her anyway. He calls at her house but faces competition from tennis-playing suitors, particularly Dwight Messmore. Ambrose asks Evangeline to let him give her a golf lesson, but she has a low opinion of the game and refuses, so he becomes a tennis player. While Ambrose is being taught by a professional, Dwight makes fun of his poor tennis playing. After some lessons, Ambrose asks Evangeline to play a game with him and she agrees. Dwight, who has been accepted in the Davis Cup team, acts superior and again makes fun of Ambrose. Ambrose loses their game and asks Evangeline if she thinks he will ever be a good tennis player. She hesitates to answer, while Dwight tells Ambrose that he at least has entertainment value. Dwight says he has filmed Ambrose playing tennis on a ciné-kodak from time to time, to amuse his friends at parties. In addition to being angered by this, Ambrose worries that the films will negatively affect his prestige as a doctor.
The next day, Ambrose goes to Dwight's residence to confront him, but sees that Dwight is ill and starts acting like a doctor. Dwight gave a party the previous night and drank a lot, but blames his condition on the caviare for being whitefish roe coloured with powdered charcoal. Dwight is also annoyed by a parrot which was delivered to his house, though he does not remember ordering one. Ambrose advises him to rest. He then visits Evangeline. Her aunt tells Ambrose that Evangeline is upset, because nobody her remembered her birthday, though Dwight had promised to buy a parrot for her. Ambrose returns to Dwight's place and offers to take the parrot off Dwight's hands to ensure he can rest. Dwight gives him the parrot, and the films out of gratitude. Ambrose then gives the parrot to Evangeline, and proposes to her. She considers that she likes Ambrose but cannot marry him because he looks ridiculous on the tennis court. She refuses, which disappoints Ambrose. To cheer him up, she agrees to let him give her a golf lesson. Ambrose gladly teaches her golf. She misses the ball, while Ambrose is able to hit it far down the fairway. Humbled, she says she will marry him. Ambrose embraces her and then continues the golf lesson.
"Feet of Clay" US: This Week, 18 June 1950 (as "A Slightly Broken Romance")
One of the characters in the story, Captain Jack Fosdyke, also appeared in "Monkey Business". Sidney McMurdo and Agnes Flack also appear in "Those in Peril on the Tee", "Tangled Hearts", "Scratch Man", and "Sleepy Time".
Plot The Oldest Member says that it is important to have a true golfing spirit, and tells the following story about Sidney McMurdo and Agnes Flack.
Sidney McMurdo and Agnes Flack are engaged and both expert golfers. At the seaside resort of East Bampton, Agnes is happy she is engaged to Sidney and swims cheerfully, splashing and singing. A stranger mistakenly thinks she is drowning and pulls her from the water. She is charmed by his handsome appearance. The man, Captain Jack Fosdyke, introduces himself as an English explorer. He knows her uncle, Josiah Flack, who is extremely rich, frail, and has no children. He treats her to dinner. He boasts about his bravery as an explorer, and about being a scratch golfer. Agnes asks him to play the next day, but he tells her he will be busy having lunch in Washington with Harry Truman. He adds that he can give Agnes some pointers, and that Bobby Jones learned from him. Agnes is very impressed. When Sidney later arrives at the resort, Agnes breaks their engagement and is now betrothed to the Captain. Jealous, Sidney heads to Jack Fosdyke's cottage and finds him cleaning a notched elephant gun. After Jack Fosdyke states he will not hesitate to use it against someone who smirches his honour, Sidney politely leaves.
Sidney bumps into a beautiful woman. She says she has been waiting for him and loves him, though Sidney does not recognize her. She is Cora McGuffy Spottsworth, a widow and a writer of romance novels. Having been rejected by Agnes, Sidney is glad to have Cora's affection. Cora asks if he remembers when they were Marc Antony and Cleopatra in past lives, and he pretends he does. She is also a good golfer. They get engaged. Agnes gets jealous and dislikes Cora. Cora and Agnes compete in the Women's Singles, a golf competition. In the semi-finals, they face different opponents. When it starts to rain, Jack Fosdyke suggests that Agnes concede the match so they can get out of the rain. Agnes is disappointed that he lacks the true golfing spirit. She decides he must be joking, though he really is annoyed by the rain and only stays because Agnes is likely to inherit a lot of money. A Pekingese dog comes and picks up Agnes's ball. She can't move the dog because it is a hazard. Nothing in the rules prevents a spectator from moving the dog, so she tells Jack to move the dog. He is afraid of being bitten and says the match doesn't really matter. Agnes threatens to end their engagement if he refuses. A rich heiress comes and retrieves her dog, which still has the ball. Jack leaves Agnes and goes to court the rich woman. Agnes concedes the match. Cora ends her engagement with Sidney because he insisted she play even though it was raining. Agnes and Sidney want to be together again and renew their engagement.
"Excelsior" US: Argosy, 1 July 1948 (as "The Hazards of Horace Bewstridge")