Commuter couples are a subset of dual-career couples who live apart in separate residences while both partners pursue careers.Bunker, B. B., Zubek, J. M., Vanderslice, V. J., & Rice, R. W. (1992). Quality of life in dual-career families: Commuting versus single-residence couples. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 399-407.

Gilbert and Rachlin address the difference between dual-earner families and dual-career families, distinguishing that dual-earner couples are those in which both spouses are earning for the family, but one or both of them consider their occupational involvement as a job. Jobs are unlike careers in that they do not require extensive training or commitment. In dual-earner couples, one spouse's work is generally considered secondary. Dual-career couples are families in which "both heads of household pursue careers and at the same time maintain a family life together".Rapoport, R., Rapoport, R. N., & Bumstead, J. M. (Eds.). (1978). Working couples. New York: Harper & Row. Both have high degrees of commitment to their careers, and neither partner's career is thought to be more important than that of the other.Gilbert, L. A., & Rachlin, V. (1987). Mental health and psychological functioning of dual-career families. The Counseling Psychologist, 15(1), 7-49.

Historical background

Statistics

In the United States, statistics from as early as 1989 report that 53% of married households were dual-earner couples. By 1996, the percent of dual-earner couples grew to 61%. According to data from 1989, approximately 7 million employees (15% to 20% of all dual-earner marriages) were classified as dual-career couples.Reed, C. M., & Bruce, W. M. (1993). Dual-career couples in the public sector: A survey of personnel policies and practices. Public Personnel Management. By 2003, U.S. workers take more than 400 million long-distance business trips (i.e., trips over 50 miles) each year.the U.S. Bureau of Transportation Statistics, 2003. Commuter marriages are on the rise, with recent estimates indicating that as many as 3 million Americans reside in different locations from their spouses.Bergen, K. M., Kirby, E., & McBride, M. C. (2007). "How do you get two houses cleaned?": Accomplishing family caregiving in commuter marriages. Journal of Family Communication, 7, 287-307. Research on this phenomenon has generally focused on heterosexual couples.

Formation of commuter couples

The increase in women's career opportunities also increases the problems of couples pursuing two careers in the same place, and can cause conflict regarding which spouse's career should take precedence.Anderson, E. A. (1992). Decision-making style: Impact on satisfaction of the commuter couples' lifestyle. Journal of Family and Economic Issues, 13(1), 5-21. One major concern for dual-career couples is finding employment in the same geographic location. One partner usually compromises by taking a less desirable job so that the other can take a position that might further his or her career. However, if this compromise cannot be reached, the option of commuting can be the result, where both spouses enjoy highly desirable jobs at the sacrifice of maintaining separate residences.Anderson, E. A., & Spruill, J. W. (1993). "The dual-career commuter family: A lifestyle on the move". Marriage & Family Review, 19(1-2), 131-147.

In the definition of dual-career commuter couples, the work pursued by each member of the couple requires 1) a high degree of commitment and special training with increasing degrees of responsibility (this includes students pursuing an advanced educational degree) and 2) that the couple maintain homes in separate geographic locations. Traveling sales or business workers, military personnel, migrant workers, and construction and trade workers who leave home for various lengths of time are not included in the definition. When couples share a home and one or both members commute long distances to work each day or couples immigrating at separate times, they are also not included in this definition.Gerstel, N., & Gross, H. E. (1984). Commuter marriages: A study of work and family. New York: Guilford.

The dyad of commuter couples is typically composed of the "commuter", who moves to a secondary residence for work, and the "noncommuter", who stays at the primary residence. Other terms for the lifestyle are married-singles, commuter marriages, commuter families, commuter lifestyle, and commuter relationships.

Characteristics

Research reveals that most commuter couples have a high level of education and that both partners have professional or executive careers. Most are between the ages of 25 and 65, the mean age being mid- to late thirties. Forty to 50% of commuter couples have children, and more than 50% have been married for more than 9 years. Most of commuter couples are with advanced degrees and are heavily involved in their careers.van der Klis, M., & Mulder, C. H. (2008). Beyond the trailing spouse: the commuter partnership as an alternative to family migration. Journal of Housing and the Built Environment, 23(1), 1-19. The most attractive factor of a job for commuter couples is the job-education match.Jackson, A. P., Brown, R. P., & Patterson-Stewart, K. E. (2000). African Americans in Dual-Career Commuter Marriages: An Investigation of Their Experiences. The Family Journal, 8, 22-36. Lindemann has found that factors making dual-career commuter relationships more likely include financial security, self-reliance, a lack of children, and adaptability.

Advantages

Advantages of the commuting lifestyle are identified as 1) increased career opportunities, 2) professional autonomy, 3) increased independence, 4) increased appreciation of time together, 5) decreased focus on disagreements, and 6) decreased frequency of arguments.Groves, M. M., & Horm-Wingerd, D. M. (1991). Commuter marriages: Personal, family and career issues. Sociology and social research, 75(4), 212-217.Magnuson, S., & Norem, K. (1999). Challenges for higher education couples in commuter marriages: Insights for couples and counselors who work with them. The Family Journal, 7(2), 125-134.Winfield, F. E. (1985). Commuter marriage: Living together apart. New York: Columbia University Press.

Disadvantages

Disadvantages of being commuting couples are 1) financial problems; 2) loneliness; 3) lack of personal and professional support system due to a lack of time to build and maintain these relationships; 4) negative attitudes from friends, family, coworkers, and society; 5) increased tension in marriage and the family; 6) decreased satisfaction with sex life; 7) missed important family moments and day-to-day experiences; and 8) lack of social life, hobbies, and individual projects.Jackson, A. P., Brown, R. P., & Patterson-Stewart, K. E. (2000). African Americans in dual-career commuter marriages: An investigation of their experiences. The Family Journal, 8(1), 22-36.

Contributing factors

Role conflict

There has been inconsistent evidence in relation to role conflict in dual-career commuter couples. Role conflict, according to Biddle, is “the concurrent appearance of two or more incompatible expectations for the behavior of a person”, and when a person experiences role conflict, it can have negative effects on multiple aspects of their lives, including decreased job performance and decreased commitment to an organization.Biddle, B. J. (1986). Recent development in role theory. Annual Review of Sociology, 67-92. In contrast to that definition, findings have shown that many commuters find their lifestyle beneficial in that it allows them to pursue their careers without having to deal with daily family distractions, and also gives them a sense of autonomy. This ability to compartmentalize the roles the individual plays may lead to more work life satisfaction, supported by findings that commuter couples generally had more work life satisfaction than dual-career couples in a single residence. However, there are still challenges faced by commuter couples in their different roles. It would seem that such great compartmentalization can lead some individuals to struggle with balancing both their work and family roles and the responsibilities for each; almost half of commuter couples studied by Anderson reported that they rarely felt that they had a good balance between job and family. Also, families who are commuters are thought to become more competent in their performance of all family-related tasks, suggesting that there is a less traditional division of labor between women and men. However, Anderson and Spruill found that even in commuter couples, most traditional household tasks were still performed by women, while tasks such as household maintenance and lawn-mowing were performed by men. These findings suggest that commuter couples may still be relatively traditional in their role divisions from a gender perspective.

Social comparison

According to Festinger (1954) and Social Comparison Theory, when there is no “objective” assessment for one's abilities or opinions, one will compare themselves to others who are seen to be similar. It is also said that when others have a difference in abilities or opinions, one who is comparing themselves will almost always move their idea of what abilities or opinions are appropriate closer to the comparison others’.Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human relations, 7(2), 117-140. In line with this theory, it makes sense that commuter couples would try to compare themselves to other married couples, but it will often pose problems for them because their relationships do differ in many ways. When commuter couples compare themselves to “traditional marriages”, it can cause them a lot of discomfort.Gross, H. E. (1980). Dual-career couples who live apart: Two types. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 567-576. This is also true for society's expectations of a commuter couple; if society compares them to “traditional couples”, they refrain from addressing important aspects of the relationship, and consequently lack a solid understanding. It was found that partners who felt that their peers thought that the commuting lifestyle was the beginning of a divorce experienced more stress.

Adjusting versus established couples

"Adjusting" couples are generally younger with few or no children, and they experience the separation earlier in their relationship. It seems that younger women generally struggle more with the guilt that their male partners are disadvantaged in some way, and young men tend to feel a sense of loss in comparison to a traditional male partner. These couples often experience more stress over the conflict of whose career is “more important” than the stress of being apart.

"Established" couples are generally older, have been married longer, and have children. With these couples, much of the stress comes from childcare. Generally, in heterosexual marriages, husbands will feel some resentment in the increase in responsibilities for the children, while the wives feel guilty about their lessened involvement in their children's lives.

Becoming a commuter couple

Attachment theory and perceived relationship quality

Attachment theory