Dialogues of the Gods () are twenty-five miniature dialogues mocking the Homeric conception of the Greek gods, written in the Attic Greek dialect by the Syrian author Lucian of Samosata. The work was translated into Latin around 1518 by Livio Guidolotto (also called Guidalotto or Guidalotti), the apostolic assistant of Pope Leo X.
The Dialogues Dialogue I: Prometheus and Zeus The Titan Prometheus begs the god Zeus to release him from the rock to which he has been chained. Zeus—still angry at the titan for his theft of fire from the gods—refuses, and tells Prometheus that, for the severity of his crimes, Prometheus's punishment is in fact too lenient. Prometheus then pleads with Zeus again and offers to reveal vital information to the god in exchange for his release. Zeus is reluctant but agrees to the bargain. Prometheus warns Zeus not to woo the beautiful nymph Thetis, as Prometheus has foreknowledge that Thetis will give birth to a mighty son who could one day overthrow his own father. Convinced and disheartened by the prediction, Zeus declares that Thetis will never be his. Zeus tells Prometheus that he will end the titan's punishment by ordering Hephaestus to release him from his rock.
Dialogue II: Eros and Zeus Zeus is angry at the god Eros for his trickery. Eros pleads for forgiveness, arguing that he is simply the small child he appears to be, but Zeus knows that Eros is ancient and far from innocent. Zeus demands to know why Eros continues to play tricks on him, such as transforming Zeus into a satyr, a bull, gold, a swan, and an eagle, as Eros never makes women reciprocate Zeus's love, which forces Zeus to deceive them in order to seduce them. Eros justifies his transformations of Zeus by arguing that mortal women cannot withstand Zeus' true form. Zeus counters by pointing out that Hyacinthus and Branchus both loved Apollo, yet Daphne did not. Eros suggests that to be more desirable, Zeus should grow long locks, wear fashionable clothes, and participate in dances. Zeus declines and orders Eros to stop his tricks.
Dialogue III: Zeus and Hermes Zeus asks Hermes if he has heard of the Argive princess Io, to which Hermes responds affirmatively. Zeus explains that due to Hera's jealousy, Io has been transformed into a cow and placed under the strict guard of Argus. Zeus then orders Hermes to descend to Nemea, kill Argus, and lead Io to Egypt, where he declares she will be worshiped as the goddess Isis.
Dialogue IV: Ganymede and Zeus
Zeus has just abducted Ganymede from earth, and the youth is distressed, asking to be returned and revealing his shock that the eagle who took him has transformed into a man. Zeus explains that he is neither an eagle nor a man, but the king of the gods. Ganymede questions whether Zeus is Pan, who is highly esteemed by his family, and expresses his belief that Zeus is merely a kidnapper. Zeus identifies himself as the god of thunder, which initially confuses Ganymede.
Ganymede protests that if he is not returned, wolves will devour the sheep he is supposed to guard. Zeus tries to reassure him, explaining that as a god, he no longer needs to concern himself with sheep. Despite this, Ganymede laments his fate and the life he is leaving behind as a mortal. Zeus tells him that his new role will be to serve nectar to the gods and spend the night with him. Ganymede seems unaware of the implications of sharing a bed with Zeus, recalling that as a child he would sleep with his father, who often complained about Ganymede kicking him and would send him to his mother's bed instead. Zeus, unbothered by this, assures Ganymede that he will be kissed anyway and instructs Hermes to offer Ganymede some ambrosia to make him immortal, and to explain how to serve the ambrosia properly.
Dialogue V: Hera and Zeus (I) Hera complains to Zeus that ever since he kidnapped Ganymede from Mount Ida, he has been neglecting her. Zeus is taken aback by this, and Hera explains that it is unbecoming for the king of the gods to forsake his wife for mortal women. She is especially aggrieved by Ganymede, whom Zeus has brought to Olympus and appointed as his cup-bearer, effectively replacing Hebe and Hephaestus. Hera is further upset by Zeus's frequent public displays of affection towards Ganymede, including kissing him at every opportunity. Zeus responds that if he allowed Hera to kiss Ganymede as well, she would understand why he prefers those kisses over even nectar. Their argument continues with Hera accusing Zeus of dishonouring her, while Zeus defends his decision to keep Ganymede on Olympus. He tells her that her jealousy only intensifies his affection and instructs Ganymede to give him two kisses, instead of just one, when he serves him.
Dialogue VI: Hera and Zeus (II) Hera asks Zeus for his opinion on their guest, Ixion, to which Zeus responds that Ixion is worthy of the company of the gods. Hera, however, believes he is unworthy. When pressed by Zeus, she reluctantly admits that Ixion has been making inappropriate advances towards her, which she has tried to ignore. Zeus is enraged by the mortal's audacity and attributes it to the effects of love, a topic that further irritates Hera because it reminds her that Zeus once slept with Ixion's wife, resulting in the birth of Pirithous.Homer, Iliad 14.317-318 Zeus proposes that, instead of expelling Ixion, they should send him a cloud resembling Hera. Hera objects, fearing that Ixion will boast of having slept with the queen of the gods. Zeus reassures her that if Ixion brags, they will cast him into Tartarus.
Dialogue VII: Hephaestus and Apollo Hephaestus asks Apollo if he has seen how beautiful and charming Maia's baby, Hermes, is. Apollo is not impressed, pointing out that the baby has already stolen Poseidon's trident, Ares' sword, and his own bow and arrows. Although Hephaestus is skeptical, Apollo suggests he check if he is missing anything. Hephaestus then discovers that his pincers are gone. Apollo advises him to search in the baby's cradle, noting that Hermes is highly skilled in thievery and has also pilfered Aphrodite's girdle and Zeus' sceptre. Apollo even mentions that Hermes has stolen items from the Underworld, where he leads the souls with a staff—a staff Hephaestus admits he gave to Hermes.
Dialogue VIII: Hephaestus and Zeus
Zeus orders a bewildered Hephaestus to strike him on the head with his hammer, insisting he do it with all his strength, or risk Zeus's anger—a threat he has made before. Hephaestus reluctantly agrees but warns that this task will not be as clean and bloodless as Eileithyia's work, the goddess of childbirth. Zeus dismisses his concerns, and Hephaestus strikes him. As Zeus's skull cracks open, the goddess Athena emerges fully grown from his head. Hephaestus, captivated by her beauty, asks for her hand in marriage, but Zeus declines, stating that Athena will remain a virgin for all time.
Dialogue IX: Poseidon and Hermes Poseidon asks Hermes where he can find Zeus, but Hermes, looking uncomfortable, indicates that now might not be the best time. Poseidon interprets this as meaning Zeus is with either Hera or Ganymede, but Hermes denies both. Under further questioning from Poseidon, Hermes reveals that Zeus has just given birth, which shocks Poseidon, who didn't realize Zeus could become pregnant. Hermes clarifies that the fetus wasn't in Zeus's belly but rather in his thigh. He explains that Zeus had impregnated Semele, but Hera convinced Semele to request that Zeus "visit her complete with thunder and lightning. He agreed, and came with his thunderbolt too; the roof caught fire." As a result, Semele was incinerated, but Zeus saved the unborn child by placing it in his thigh for further development. Hermes adds that the child has been entrusted to nymphs for care, and he is now heading to provide Zeus with the proper post-childbirth care.
Dialogue X: Hermes and Helios Hermes goes to find Helios (the Sun) to deliver Zeus's order that he should not rise for three days. Helios, concerned that he may have done something wrong and is being punished, is reassured by Hermes that this is not the case. Hermes explains that Zeus is in love with Alcmene, the wife of Amphitryon, and wants to spend time with her to father a great hero, Heracles, who will be mightier than any other. Helios agrees but expresses concern about the impact of Zeus's actions on the world, and unfavorably compares Zeus to Cronus, who never abandoned Rhea for the sake of a mortal woman. Hermes advises Helios to be quiet to avoid trouble if anyone overhears and then proceeds to deliver the same message to Selene (the Moon) and Hypnos (Sleep).
Dialogue XI: Aphrodite and Selene
Aphrodite asks Selene if the rumors are true that she often abandons the sky to meet her mortal lover Endymion. Selene replies that she is not to blame for this, but rather Aphrodite's son, Eros. Aphrodite agrees, noting that Eros torments everyone—such as Rhea, whom he made fall in love with Attis, and herself, only for Eros to make Persephone fall for her lover Adonis as well, forcing the two goddesses to share him. Selene explains that she finds comfort in her passion because Endymion is a very handsome man. She describes how she visits him every night while he sleeps in a cave, tiptoeing to avoid making any noise that might wake him.
Dialogue XII: Aphrodite and Eros (I) Aphrodite scolds her son Eros for the chaos he causes. He makes Zeus assume countless forms, causes Selene to leave the sky to meet her lover Endymion, and makes Helios stay in bed with Clymene longer, causing him to forget to rise. He even has Rhea, the mother of the gods, under his influence, making her fear what might happen if she orders the Corybantes or her lions to attack him out of frustration. Eros reassures her that he can handle Rhea and argues that he should not be blamed for these disruptions. He even asks if Aphrodite would prefer not being in love with Ares. Aphrodite warns him to heed her words carefully.
Dialogue XIII: Zeus, Asclepius and Heracles Asclepius and Heracles are arguing over who deserves the higher position at the table. Each asserts that they are more deserving than the other. Heracles claims that his numerous achievements and defeated foes entitle him to the better place. In contrast, Asclepius argues that he has healed Heracles' burn wounds and never committed the heinous acts that Heracles did, such as killing his family or serving as a slave to Queen Omphale. As the argument escalates, Heracles threatens violence, but Zeus intervenes and instructs Heracles to concede the better seat to Asclepius, noting that Asclepius died first.
Dialogue XIV: Hermes and Apollo (I)
Hermes asks Apollo why he appears so despondent. Apollo replies that it is due to his unfortunate love life and his mourning over the death of his lover, Hyacinthus, the son of Oebalus. Hermes inquires if Hyacinthus is indeed dead, to which Apollo confirms. When Hermes asks how it happened, Apollo takes full responsibility, which makes Hermes think Apollo might be losing his sanity. Apollo explains that they were playing a game of discus when Zephyrus, the west wind god who was also in love with Hyacinthus, redirected the discus, causing it to strike Hyacinthus in the head and kill him. This tragic accident is the reason for Apollo's sorrow. Hermes, however, tells Apollo that his grief is irrational; he should have anticipated the mortality of Hyacinthus and the possibility of his eventual death.
Dialogue XV: Hermes and Apollo (II)