The following is a list of recurring Saturday Night Live characters and sketches introduced between October 8, 1988, and May 20, 1989, the fourteenth season of SNL.

Mr. Short-Term Memory A series of three (to date) sketches—"The Blind Date", "The Hospital Visit", and "The Game Show"—featuring Tom Hanks as San Bernardino advertising exec Jeff Morrow whose life (to say nothing of everybody else around him) has not been the same since a pear fell from a tree and hit him on the head. Now burdened by untreatable chronic amnesia, Jeff sows chaos and reaps alienation—some of it mutual—wherever he goes since his recollection abilities (and his attention span) are not only very limited, but also highly erratic.

The series debuted October 8, 1988. All three episodes co-starred Victoria Jackson and Phil Hartman; the third also co-starred Tony Randall.

Appearances Season Episode Host Notes 14 October 8, 1988 Tom Hanks "The Blind Date" 15 February 17, 1990 Tom Hanks "The Hospital Visit" 16 December 8, 1990 Tom Hanks "The Game Show"

Celebrity Restaurant A Dana Carvey sketch. Debuted December 3, 1988.

Plug Away with Harvey Fierstein Jon Lovitz impersonates actor Harvey Fierstein, hosting a faux talk show. Appearances Season Episode Host Notes 14 December 10, 1988 Kevin Kline 14 February 11, 1989 Ted Danson 15 October 21, 1989 Kathleen Turner

Tony Trailer A Kevin Nealon sketch. Debuted January 21, 1989.

Stuart Rankin, All Things Scottish A Mike Myers sketch. This sketch featured Myers as the Scottish owner of a Scots-themed gift shop, who bellowed at his customers, "If it's not Scottish, it's crap!" This phrase went on to become a minor SNL-inspired catchphrase in the late 1980s. Debuted January 28, 1989.

A second sketch was performed at dress rehearsal on January 20, 1990, with Christopher Walken playing Rankin's son Angus. The sketch was cut after dress rehearsal, but was reused with slight revisions at the start of the next season with Kyle MacLachlan playing Angus.

Other characters in later skits included Tim Meadows as Rankin's employee Rodney, and Kiefer Sutherland as Ronnie Rankin, Stuart Rankin's brother.

Appearances Season Episode Host Notes 14 January 28, 1989 Tony Danza Weekend Update 16 September 29, 1990 Kyle MacLachlan 17 November 2, 1991 Kiefer Sutherland 19 February 5, 1994 Patrick Stewart

Grumpy Old Man Portrayed by Dana Carvey, he was an embittered archetypical grandfather figure with white hair, glasses, and a sour sneer. He would appear as a Weekend Update commentator complaining about the state of the world, mainly in regard to many modern conveniences. His complaints always included differences between today and "his day".

EXAMPLES "In my day, we didn't have safety standards for toys. We got rusty nails and big bags of broken glass!" "In my day, we entertained ourselves; we didn't need moving pictures! In my day, the only show in town was called 'Stare At the Sun'!" "In my day, we didn't need technology, like these tiny and efficient clip-on microphones. We had microphones the size of watermelons. They were cumbersome and blocked your face; the only sound that came out of them was static!" "In my day, we didn't need waterbeds. You slept butt-naked on a huge pile of double-edged razor blades!" "In my day, the number-one game in town was 'Chew the Bark Off the Tree'!" "In my day, we didn't need facial wipes. When you turned 17, you were given the family handkerchief!" "In my day, we didn't need dental floss or mouthwash. You picked your teeth with barbed wire and gargled with battery acid!" "In my day, we didn't need seatbelts to restrain you if your car crashed. If you stopped suddenly, you knew exactly where you were going: straight through the windshield!" "In my day, we didn't need bottled drinking water. You just drank raw sewage!" "In my day, we didn't need virtual reality. You took a set of jumper cables and hooked yourself up to a half-zillion-volt electrical generator!" "In my day, we didn't need ATMs. There was just one bank in each state, and it was open just one hour a year! That was the story of your life: You were born, you got in line, and you died!"

All of these rants would end with "And that's the way it was, and we (you) liked it! We (You) loved it!".

Debuted February 11, 1989 in a sketch with Jon Lovitz.

Appearances Season Episode Host Notes 15 January 13, 1990 Ed O'Neill 15 February 24, 1990 Fred Savage 15 April 14, 1990 Corbin Bernsen 16 October 6, 1990 Susan Lucci 16 December 15, 1990 Dennis Quaid 17 February 22, 1992 Roseanne Arnold, Tom Arnold

Wayne's World

Mike Myers and Dana Carvey play two metalheads and best friends who hosted a cable access television program from Wayne's parents' basement. Myers had previously played the character of Wayne on several Canadian television shows, and this sketch was the basis of a popular feature film released in 1992. Debuted February 18, 1989.

Appearances Season Episode Host Notes 14 February 18, 1989 Leslie Nielsen 14 March 25, 1989 Mary Tyler Moore 14 May 13, 1989 Wayne Gretzky 15 September 30, 1989 Bruce Willis 15 December 2, 1989 John Goodman 15 January 13, 1990 Ed O'Neill 15 February 17, 1990 Tom Hanks 15 March 24, 1990 Debra Winger 15 May 19, 1990 Candice Bergen 16 December 1, 1990 John Goodman 16 January 19, 1991 Sting 16 March 23, 1991 Jeremy Irons 16 May 11, 1991 Delta Burke 17 September 28, 1991 Michael Jordan 17 January 18, 1992 Chevy Chase 17 April 11, 1992 Sharon Stone 18 December 5, 1992 Tom Arnold 19 November 20, 1993 Nicole Kidman 19 May 14, 1994 Heather Locklear 36 February 5, 2011 Dana Carvey 40 February 15, 2015 Steve Martin SNL 40th Anniversary Special. Counted down SNL's Top 10

Cooking with the Anal Retentive Chef This series of sketches featured Phil Hartman as Gene, a fastidious[Jeff Smith (chef)] chef who could not bear to be in the presence of anything cluttered or dirty. After peeling some vegetables he advised throwing the peels away by wrapping them in paper toweling, then aluminum foil, then putting them in a paper bag that was then to be sealed with scotch tape. Gene never completed any of his recipes; he always became too distracted by the effects of his psychological complex, and ran out of time. The majority of these sketches featured the Gene character as a chef, however, he also played an anal retentive sportsman and home improvement expert. The sketch was presented as a PBS program sponsored by the Chubb Group.

Appearances Season Episode Host Notes 14 April 1, 1989 Mel Gibson 14 May 13, 1989 Wayne Gretzky "Fishing with the Anal Retentive Sportsman" 15 September 30, 1989 Bruce Willis "Home Improvement with the Anal Retentive Carpenter" 15 December 2, 1989 John Goodman 15 May 12, 1990 Andrew Dice Clay

Tales of Ribaldry Tales of Ribaldry was a series of sketches starring Jon Lovitz as Regency era dandy Evelyn Quince, presenting supposedly "racy, randy, ribald!" tales, presented initially as "bodice rippers" which, to the host's clear and vocal dismay, develop into rather straightforward, "not very ribald at all!" sexual encounters between consenting adults.

Saturday Night Live later featured a one-time sketch called "Tales of Irony" which used a similar premise. Jason Alexander played the host who would become clearly agitated when the scenes developed into quite bland pieces with very little irony at all.

Appearances Season Episode Host Notes 14 April 1, 1989 Mel Gibson 15 February 17, 1990 Tom Hanks

Sprockets

Mike Myers plays Dieter (no last name), a disaffected West German expressionist/minimalist. Debuted April 15, 1989.

Appearances Season Episode Host Notes 14 April 15, 1989 Dolly Parton 14 May 20, 1989 Steve Martin 15 September 30, 1989 Bruce Willis 15 November 18, 1989 Woody Harrelson Dieter interviews the director of such independent films as: The Dead Coat; Irritant #4; and Here, Child, Finish Your Nothing. 15 March 17, 1990 Rob Lowe Dieter's Dance Party (spoof of American Bandstand); features a German-language commercial for Clearasil—"Macht das pimplen kaput!" 16 September 29, 1990 Kyle MacLachlan Germany's Most Disturbing Home Videos (spoof of America's Funniest...), co-hosted by the star of Munich's long-running sitcom Who Are You To Accuse Me? 16 December 15, 1990 Dennis Quaid 16 April 13, 1991 Catherine O'Hara 17 February 15, 1992 Jason Priestley Love Werks 17 May 16, 1992 Woody Harrelson Eurotrash park to counter the newly opened Euro Disney park 19 November 20, 1993 Nicole Kidman das ist jeopärdy! 22 March 22, 1997 Mike Myers

Additional appearances Dieter in Space: December 16, 1989 Dieter's Dream: March 20, 1993

Lothar of the Hill People A Mike Myers sketch (he played the title role of a prehistoric tribal chieftain) which also featured Jon Lovitz and Phil Hartman as fellow chieftains. It was based on a Dungeons & Dragons character Myers had as a teenager. The premise had Lothar as a host around a campfire meeting fierce strangers who came to attack him, but he would convince them to stay and parley instead, having his "squire" fetch them a flagon of mead. The conversation would inevitably come around to the topic on whether the men "walked with a woman" and the pitfalls of doing so. Tennis champion Chris Evert once appeared as a female tribal chief known as She-beast, bearing a makeshift tennis racket as her weapon. The title sequence used footage from Conan the Barbarian. Debuted April 15, 1989.

Appearances Season Episode Host Notes 14 April 15, 1989 Dolly Parton 15 November 11, 1989 Chris Evert 15 January 13, 1990 Ed O'Neill 15 February 24, 1990 Fred Savage

Toonces, the Cat Who Could Drive a Car

Dana Carvey and Victoria Jackson play a couple who allow their pet cat Toonces to drive their car; Toonces subsequently drives the car off a cliff. The sketch debuted May 20, 1989 with Steve Martin in the role subsequently played by Carvey.

Toonces was the family pet of Lyle and Brenda Clark, an enthusiastic couple who would allow their cat to drive the family car. At first, they were delighted that their cat had such an ability, but were always horrified to discover (too late) that Toonces was actually not a skilled driver at all. The running gag was the punch line: "See, I told you he could drive! Just not very well!" Inevitably, Toonces would drive the car over a cliff whenever he got behind the wheel. This sequence was characterized by someone in the car yelling "Toonces, look out!" with the Toonces puppet appearing to scream also, followed by the car falling off a cliff, and sometimes exploding (as shown in a series of stock footage scenes—sometimes the same one used multiple times within a sketch).

Toonces was portrayed by a live cat (for the title sequence and certain close-up driving scenes) and a puppet. The puppet was made up of three parts. The first part was a head and torso piece, which was a simplistic rendering of a grey-and-white striped short-haired tabby cat. The other two parts consisted of two separate paws, which were manipulated so as to simulate Toonces actually steering the car.

This sketch first appeared on the show that Steve Martin hosted when he broke Buck Henry's record for most hosting stints.

In 1992, NBC aired a half-hour Toonces special. Toonces, the Cat Who Could Drive a Car (1992) was a prime time special that aired on February 14, 1992. The special featured the first half of the first Toonces sketch and "The Tooncinator", both from SNL, plus one new Toonces sketch, "Toonces Without A Cause"; three short little pieces before the commercial breaks to remind you it was a Toonces special: "Toonces The Cat's World Of Nature", "Toonces & Spunky Play Ping Pong", "Toonces Mows The Lawn", and the end credits featuring "Toonces Flies A Plane".

The special also featured a few new non-Toonces sketches.

Coach Dobbs in "The Big Game"" "Scruffy the Rat" "Abe Lincoln and His Time Machine" "The Fugitive Couple"