Sexual desire disorder (SDD) is the difference between one's desired frequency of sexual intercourse and the actual frequency of sexual intercourse within a relationship. Among couples seeking sex therapy, problems of sexual desire are the most commonly reported dysfunctions, yet have historically been the most difficult to treat successfully. Sexual satisfaction in a relationship has a direct relationship with overall relationship satisfaction and relationship well-being. Sexual desire and sexual frequency do not stem from the same domains, sexual desire characterizes an underlying aspect of sexual motivation and is associated with romantic feelings while actual sexual activity and intercourse is associated with the development and advancement of a given relationship. Thus together, sexual desire and sexual frequency can successfully predict the stability of a relationship. While higher individual sexual desire discrepancies among married individuals may undermine overall relationship well-being, higher SDD scores for females may be beneficial for romantic relationships, because those females have high levels of passionate love and attachment to their partner. Studies suggest that women with higher levels of desire relative to that of their partners' may experience fewer relationship adjustment problems than women with lower levels of desire relative to their partners'. Empirical evidence has shown that sexual desire is a factor that heavily influences couple satisfaction and relationship continuity which has been one of the main reasons for the interest in this research domain of human sexuality.
Heterosexual couples
Marital couples In married couples, husbands have been found to experience higher sexual desire discrepancies than their wives. Those who individually experience higher rates of sexual desire discrepancy during their marriage exhibit lower levels of satisfaction in the relationship. This high discrepancy has also been found to impair other aspects of the relationship. For example, an increase in relationship instability, more negative communication within the relationship and an increase in conflict all result from high desire discrepancies.
It has also been established that sexual desire and frequency of sex decreased as the length of marriage increased. Further investigation has revealed that this attenuation occurs within the first 2 years of marriage. In heterosexual couples, women's low sexual desire is often pathologized. However, researchers propose that low desire in women partnered with men may be influenced by heteronormative structures and gender inequities. These structures result in an inequitable distribution of household and caregiving labor, which can reduce sexual desire. Additionally, heteronormativity often assigns women caregiver roles for their male partners, positioning them more as mothers or caregivers than sexual partners. Furthermore, the objectification of women emphasizes the importance of being desired over experiencing desire.
Non-marital couples High desire discrepancies affect men differently to women in a relationship. Men experience reduced sexual satisfaction while women experience reduced relationship satisfaction. Other studies have found men also experience lower relationship satisfaction when desire discrepancy is high. Furthermore, research by Davies, Katz and Jackson (1999) shows that of the individuals studied, approximately 25% reported believing their personal level of sexual desire to be different from that of their partner's, implying that not all couples who experience SDD label it as such.
Same-sex couples
Lesbian couples Low sexual desire discrepancies (low sexual desire and low sexual frequency) are common amongst lesbian couples, similar to heterosexual women in a relationship.Nichols, M. (1995) Sexual desire disorder in a lesbian couple: the intersection of therapy and politics. In R. Rosen & S. Leiblum (Eds.) Case studies in sex therapy (pp. 161-175). New York: Guilford PressLoulan, J. (1987) Lesbian passion. San Francisco: Spinsters Ink. The sexual frequency between lesbian couples are reported as less frequent in comparison to gay male, heterosexual, married and unmarried couples. To support this notion, a study looked at 1,500 lesbian women who were in a relationship where 78% were initially uninvolved in sexual activities. Blumstein and Schwartz reported in ‘American Couples’ that in a sample of lesbian women in a relationship, half of the lesbian sample had low levels of sexual contact and stated that they were dissatisfied with their sexuality suggesting low sexual desire, therefore low SDD. As well as this, the lesbian sample had reported high sexual desire and frequency at the beginning of their relationship and a pattern appeared with a decrease of sexual activity within long-term relationships. However, this study comes with various criticisms. (see Lesbian bed death:criticisms).
Studies show that homosexual women are particularly prone to internalizing negative homophobic societal attitudes which has detrimental affects on their self-esteem and identity. It has been proposed that homosexual women sometimes show a tendency of using defenses in an attempt to deny their homosexuality in a homophobic society. Lesbian women may thus manifest strong emotional connections to their partners but repress any sexual desires due to an unconscious internalization of society's homophobic attitudes which ultimately manifests itself in a reduced sexual desire and sexual intercourse frequency.
In same-sex relationships for women, those with low sexual desire discrepancies mean that women experience low sexual activity and low satisfaction for their sexual relationship. Although, at early stages of their relationship, it is common to find high relationship satisfaction and no issues with low desire discrepancy, meaning that a good sexual satisfaction should exist. As well as lesbian women commonly reporting low sexual desire in their relationship, they also report low arousal, more issues with lubrication, low sexual satisfaction and low sexual frequency as the relationship length increases. However, research suggests that given the fact that lesbian couples in a relationship are seen to have lower sexual activity, they are likely to be satisfied with their sexual frequency similar to heterosexual women in their relationship highlighting the fact that low desire discrepancies may not necessarily be an issue for women.
An explanation for low desire discrepancies for lesbian couples can be explained by the “lesbian bed death” myth, which argues that sexual activity will significantly reduce in same-sex relationships as the length of the relationship increases, which supports the idea that lesbian couples experience high SDD at early stages in their relationships compared to later on. Another explanation for SDD in lesbian couples could be that women are more "sensual rather than sexual" and so are less likely to participate in overtly sexual activities.
Treatment It has been proposed that among lesbian couples, SDD or Inhibited Sexual Desire (ISD) masks other underlying emotions, namely anger. Thus, exercises targeting underlying anger such as creating lists of "grievances" and encouraging the couple to pretend argue during a treatment session can be used to address the issues of underlying feelings of anger in an attempt to alleviate sexual dysfunction.
When the believed cause for sexual desire discrepancy is believed to be a form of internalized homophobia, it is recommended to begin a treatment session with a questionnaire inquiring about the individuals' feelings towards being homosexual ("How do you feel about being lesbian?", "Have you ever felt suicidal as a result of your homosexuality?", "In what way do you think homosexual people are different from heterosexual people?"). The following suggested treatment is referrals to lesbian social and education groups for an exposure to positive homosexual role models.
Gay couples To date, there is only a limited hand of research on gay couples sexual desire and sexual frequency.
Gay males' desire for a sexual partner stems from a male's physical attractiveness and features and signs of youth. They also favour sexual activities as the fundamental component of a gay relationship.Symons, D. (1979). The evolution of human sexuality. New York: Oxford University Press. Research by Blumstein and Schwartz depicts that gay men had higher levels of sexual frequencies in comparison to lesbian women throughout all stages of their relationship.
Given that there is a lack of research on sexual desire amongst homosexual male couples, it is difficult to make definitive assumptions. However, there is research on sexual satisfaction amongst gay couples. Sexual satisfaction and sexual frequency are correlated amongst gay couples. A study showed that most gay couples were sexually satisfied with their partner, with 83% of men reporting "satisfied" and 7% "very satisfied".McWhirter, D. P., & Mattison, A. M. (1984). The male couple. Englewood Cliffs, NJ. Prentice-Hall. Amongst young gay male couples in (average length was 15 months), the median rating for sexual satisfaction on a 7-point scale was 5.8 and Black gay male couples reported 5.5 on the 7 point scale.Peplau, L. A., Cochran, S. D., & Mays, V. M. (1997). A national survey of the intimate relationships of African-American lesbians and gays: A look at commitment, satisfaction, sexual behavior, and HIV disease. In B. Greene (Ed.), Ethnic and cultural diversity among lesbians and gay men (pp. 11–38). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage. As well as this, males have higher testosterone levels in comparison to females. Testosterone is able to fuel sex drive amongst men and women. Gay couples, therefore together obtain more testosterone thus, ultimately could be a suggestion as to why gay couples have more sexual encounters than lesbian and heterosexual couples. Thus, suggesting that gay couples desire discrepancy involves high sexual desire and high sexual frequency (however, research is needed to confirm this). Despite such reports, literature states that gay men can vary between sexual desire and sexual frequencies,Sanderson, T. (1994). A-Z of gay sex. London: Other Way Press conveying that gay male couples may not always obtain high sexual desires and high sexual frequencies. Even so, sexual frequency amongst gay couples can also reduce over time, similar to lesbian couples and heterosexual couples. This conveys that currently, there is no definitive conclusion on desire discrepancy amongst gay couples. However, when gay men are clinically diagnosed with Male Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (see Desire Discrepancy Disorders below), clinicians take self-inflicted homophobia, interpersonal issues, attitude, lack of appropriate sex education and early life experience trauma into account as possible predisposition factors for the onset of the disorder.
Treatment Re-labeling internal cues is one path of SDD treatment in gay couples. Zilbergeld and Ellison (1980) proposed that sometime when an individual believes they feel a desire for sexual intercourse, what they actually feel is a desire for interpersonal closeness and reassurance. In such cases, treatment focuses on teaching individuals how to differentiate desires for closeness from desires for sexual intercourse and express them in a more appropriate manner.
Sometimes, desire discrepancy may arise when partner A feels repeatedly rejected after their attempts at initiating sex. This may be because partner B is simply not interested or not in the mood but may also be because partner B just happens to be more passive in nature and thus relies on partner A to do the initiating. In such cases, it is suggested that feelings of both partners should be discussed and their patterns of initiating and rejecting explored.
Desire discrepancy disorders