The following is a list of episodes from the Channel 4 sketch comedy television programme Absolutely.
Episodes Series 1 (1989) All episodes were shown on Tuesday nights at 11:00 pm on Channel 4 and ran for 45 minutes.
# Broadcast date List of sketches 1 23 May 1989 * Radical Television* Opening titles* Job Interview – The First Candidate* Denzil – Do It Yourself* Job Interview – Bass Guitar* Ordering a pizza* Don & George – Undertakers* 'Journey of Life' (song)* Don & George – Undertakers* Adverts* Don & George – Undertakers* Little Girl – Death* Bert Bastard – Address Book* Adverts* Calum Gilhooley – Visiting John* Fashion Show* Getting to Work Seminar* Nice Family – The evening's television* Closing Credits 2 30 May 1989 * Jack meets Valerie Jane Turpett* Opening titles* Cinema sketch (featuring Calum Gilhooley)* 'Just an Ordinary Guy' (song)* Adverts* Little Girl – The Queen* Nice Family – Death of a Hamster* Don & George – Hamster Cage* Adverts* Don & George – Hamster Cage* Death* Questions at an American Immigration Desk* Death* Bert Bastard – Rowing Boat* Denzil & Gwynedd* The Commisionaire – Taxi* Closing Credits 3 6 June 1989 * Announcement of Herbert Blackford's Death* Opening Titles* Shop prepares for The Queen's visit* Don & George – Shop* Man trapped in pile of newspaper supplements* Firemen* Adverts* Firemen* Nice Family – Writing to Points of View* Don & George – Shop* Courtroom scene – dentist and clown* Little Girl – Birth* Adverts* Bert Bastard – House Fire* Firemen* Long-winded interview with theatre actress* Hospital scene* Shop prepares for The Queen's visit – includes 'She's The Queen' (song) and closing credits 4 13 June 1989 * Bank – cashing a cheque* Opening titles* Billy – Sweet shop* Vikings scene* Don & George – Bargains* Adverts* The Foot Theatre Company* The Beginnings of Scottish Country Dancing* Robin & Annabel – Supermarket* Opera scene* Denzil & Gwynedd – Cheese Water* Opera scene* Nice Family – Christmas presents* Closing credits* Vikings scene 5 20 June 1989 * Little Girl – People in power* Opening titles* Gwyn – Shop* Scottish Junior Cup Quarter Final Draw* Businessmen in cafe* The Greensleeves Dance* Adverts* Bad Actress' acting lessons* Being A Hippy* Clothes Shop* Adverts* Slobs in a living room* Posh people in cinema* Becoming A Beefeater* Closing Credits* Suspicious Salesman 6 27 June 1989 * Animal rights activists* Opening titles* Bert Bastard – Deckchair* Stoneybridge – Promotional video/slogans/jingles* 'The Shape I'm In' (song)* Bert Bastard – Deckchair* Gwyn – Courtroom* Little Girl – Christmas and Jesus* Calum Gilhooley – Post Office* Adverts* Two shy men at a party* Bert Bastard – Deckchair* Nice Family – Morning Mail* The Salvation Army* Bert Bastard – Deckchair* Closing Credits
Series 2 (1990) All episodes were shown on Wednesday nights at 10:00pm on Channel 4 and ran for 45 minutes.
# Broadcast date List of sketches 1 22 August 1990 * Opening titles*Protest – 'We're quite comfortably off'/'We don't know* Don & George* Gwyn* Don & George – Buying Wallpaper and Sofa* Shop salesmen runs to the next sketch* Doctor sketch* Shop salesman runs back from Doctor sketch to Don & George sketch* Don & George – Buying a Sofa* Board meeting with stunt doubles* Adverts* Putting Children To Use* Gwyn* Partings – how to get on in life* Old lady's driving test – identifying road signs* Ransom tape* Don & George – Buying a Sofa* Gwyn* The Commissionaire – Explosive Postcard* Adverts* Queen's Inspection* Dinner Party – Regards* Gwyn* Little Girl – Having a Baby* Nice Family – Travel agent* Closing credits 2 29 August 1990 * Opening titles* Calum Gilhooley – Meeting Jehovah's Witnesses* The Great Thinko* Billy – Shop* Calum Gilhooley – Undeveloped Photos* Taxi driver* Life Support* Calum Gilhooley – Punch* Adverts* Mr. Perkins and Mr. Perkins* Police housecall (including Calum Gilhooley)* Fashion Show – Priests in Pants* Mr. Perkins and Mr. Perkins* Old Artist and Nude Model* Mr. Perkins and Mr. Perkins*Adverts* Denzil and Gwynedd – Expecting a Baby (including Calum Gilhooley)* 'I Wanna Have a Baby' (song)* Calum Gilhooley – Railway Station* Don & George – Crossants*Closing credits 3 5 September 1990 * Opening titles* Disease of the Week – Thrumble Nose* Don & George – Don returns from London* Tour Guide* What do fish talk about?* Billy – Football* Adverts* Macglashan – Inventions* Army – Antique furniture* Macglashan – World Cup Draws* Little Girl – Telephone* Macglashan – Joke* Adverts* Macglashan – Scottish Frogs* 'Sensible Hair' (song)* Hair for Mice* Airport – Tour Guide* Airport – The Commissionaire* Airport – Macglashan* Squash changing rooms – Tour Guide* Squash changing rooms – Lawyers with long names* Closing credits 4 12 September 1990 * Opening titles* The Wells – Jeffrey* Stoneybridge – Olympic Games bid video/Stoneybridge Highland Games bid jingles* Gwyn – Nouns and verbs* Bible translation problems* Gwyn* Piano Man – 'Clever' (song)* Adverts* Bert Bastard – Dinner* Fun as a Nun* Dangerous things can be dangerous* Piano Man – 'Trousers' (song)* Gwyn – Anesthetic* Little Girl – Dentist* Piano Man – 'Good Looking' (song)* Dinner party scene* Piano Man – 'Adante' (song)* Vets' waiting room* Piano Man* Adverts* Robin & Annabel – First Meeting* Calum Gilhooley – Phone call* Robin & Annabel – Picnic* Calum Gilhooley – Pub* Closing Credits (Piano Man) 5 19 September 1990 * Opening titles* Obessesion with Frank* Alarm clock problems* Denzil & Gwynedd – Wine* Sleepwalking man* Gwyn – Unpredictable* Waiting room* Adverts* Sleepwalking man* Waiting room* Don & George – Hotel* Waiting room* Childhoods of the cast* Don & George – Hotel* Sleepwalking man* Western film dubbing* Little Girl – Lies* Baby christening* Courtroom scene* 'Wearing a Suit' (song)* Sleepwalking man* Closing credits (with jeering audience) 6 26 September 1990 * Opening titles* Denzil & Gwynedd – Illtyd* Shortest link in the world* Apologies* Little Girl – Aeroplanes* Nice Family – Drive* Adverts* Courtroom baby* Apologies* Talking to a sheepdog* Apologies* Western bar scene* Surgeons – All Things Bright and Beautiful* Sheepdog in pub* Adverts* Bert Bastard – Game* Don & George – Soup* Model's makeup* Apologies* Stoneybridge – Twin town promotional video* Closing credits 7 3 October 1990 * Western Bar* Opening titles* Wako-taki* Man in park* Bowling Club Annual General Meeting* Billy – Suicide and Shop* Adverts* I'm not here* Man with Diaries* I'm not here* Adolescent girl* I'm not here* How to attract ladies (including Calum Gilhooley)* Adverts* Robin and Annabel – Wedding* Car mechanics* How to attract ladies* Nice Family – Bondage* Closing credits 8 12 October 1990 * Casting* Opening titles* Old People's Home* Relationship with camera* Art gallery* Don & George – Dating* Adverts* Little Girl – Buildings* Businessman's phones* Don & George – Dating* Advert* Bert Bastard – Suicide note* Calum Gilhooley – Courtroom* Simple Minds spoof song* Closing credits
Series 3 (1991) All episodes were shown on Friday nights at 10:30pm on Channel 4 and ran for 35 minutes.
# Broadcast date List of sketches 1 17 May 1991 * Opening titles* Calum Gilhooley – Aeroplane* The Wells – Letter to prisoner* Bert Bastard – Sports Day* Don & George – Police* Adverts* Don & George – Police* Stoneybridge – Business promotional 'vido'* Little Girl – Doctors* Macglashan – Hurly Burly Bag* Bad morning animation* Macglashan – The English Border* Closing credits 2 24 May 1991 * Opening titles* Don & George – Medical* Very Bad Swimmers Indeed* Car alarm revenge* Denzil & Gwynedd – Lecture* Tour Guide* Clive Merson – Dead man's charity work* Adverts* Restaurant – order* Lobster run over by car* Gwyn* Restaurant – running out of food* Systems Analysts fan in Nightclub* 'Systems Analysts' (song)* On the Lavatory with Frank Hovis – Taxi* Plumbers* Closing credits 3 31 May 1991 * Opening titles* The Wells – Preparing for visitors* Calum Gilhooley – Booking a flight* Bert Bastard – Supermarket* 'Life Ain't Nothing Compared to Death' (song)* Adverts* Jeff The Parkie* Tamzin The Model* Don & George – Satellite Television* Posh couple – 'Binki'* Don & George – Broken mirror (including Gwyn)* Stoneybridge – Council elections* Closing credits 4 7 June 1991 * Opening titles* Denzil & Gwynedd – Birthday* Piano Man* Seance* On The Lavatory with Frank Hovis – Greek holiday* Vets' waiting room* Wedding Preparation* Piano Man* Adverts* Wedding video* Hotel restaurant – dress code* Piano Man Underwater* Hotel – Bed* Poets at funeral* Hotel – Noise Next Door/Burglar* Police – Playground* Police siege on house* Closing credits 5 14 June 1991 * Opening titles* Charity shop sketch* Braid Scots phrases* Singing Man* Stoneybridge – Independent Television franchise* Singing Man* Calum Gilhooley – Opinion poll* Opinion Poll* Bert Bastard – Over 80s Disco* Singing Man* Adverts* Nice Family – Football Rules* Little Girl – School* Hospital sketch* Denzil & Gwynedd – Illtyd* Macglashan – Speech* Blind charity man* Macglashan – New laws* Closing credits 6 21 June 1991 * Opening titles* Wellses – Christmas Presents* Stoneybridge – Annual Dinner Dance awards* Train Station preacher* Stoneybridge – Annual Dinner Dance performance* Einstein's Banana Skin* Billy – Bedroom* Stoneybridge – Annual Dinner Dance (including Frank Hovis)* Adverts* Mime artists* Deal in a car park* Bad Edwardian entertainer* Stoneybridge – Annual dinner dance comedian* Don and George – Names* TV critic* Stoneybridge – Annual Dinner Dance, includes The Hills of Buccleuch (song)* Closing credits 7 28 June 1991 * Opening titles* Macglashan – News and Sport* Denzil & Gwynedd – Codfyl* Piano Man – Restaurant* Aeroplane staff* On The Lavatory with Frank Hovis – Wife* Adverts* Mad woman – cutting your own hair* Courtroom – World Baseball Champions* Party animation* University student's letter* Don & George – Corner shop* Mad woman – making your own clothes* Elvis fan club* Denzil & Gwynedd – Dancing* Elvis fan club* Closing credits 8 5 July 1991 * Wells – Charity shop* Stoneybridge – Jamboree Celebrity* Environmentalist song* On The Lavatory with Frank Hovis – 'Penis Flytrap'* Don & George – 'George, You're Simply the Best'* Bert Bastard – Hokey Cokey* Victoria and Albert Museum* Piano Man* Calum Gilhooley – Video Shop* Little Girl – Family* Disastrous family ancestors sketch* Closing credits – including 'I Guess It's Just Pretend' (song)
Series 4 (1993) All episodes were shown on Friday nights at 10:30pm on Channel 4 and ran for 35 minutes.