No Wit, No Help Like a Woman's

No Wit, No Help Like a Woman's is a Jacobean tragicomic play by Thomas Middleton.

Title On the title page of the first published edition (1657), the play's title is rendered as follows:

This title is difficult to translate into conventional prose; most subsequent editions have called it No Wit, No Help Like a Woman's, but the 2007 Middleton complete works for Oxford University Press renders it as No Wit/Help Like a Woman's.

Date External evidence on the play's date is lacking. In the text of the play, the character Weatherwise repeatedly refers to almanacs; he quotes sixteen almanac proverbs or catchphrases – fifteen of which derive from the 1611 edition of Thomas Bretnor's almanac, a fact that yields the obvious likely date for the play. This procedure was not atypical of Middleton's practice; when he composed his Inner Temple Masque in 1618, he used eleven proverbs from Bretnor's 1618 almanac.See Lowell Johnson's Introduction to his edition of the play, p. xii.

The play was revived in 1638. James Shirley staged it at the Werburgh Street Theatre in Dublin, and wrote a Prologue for the work that was published with Middleton's text in the first edition.

Publication The play was entered into the Stationers' Register on 9 September 1653 by the bookseller Humphrey Moseley. Moseley printed the first edition four years later, in 1657, in an octavo edition printed for Moseley by Thomas Newcomb. Nineteen copies of the 1657 octavo survive, an unusually large total for a play of its era. Middleton's original was not reprinted prior to the 19th century.Johnson, pp. xxi–xxii.

Authorship Both the Stationers' Register entry and the title page of the first edition attribute the play to "Tho. Middleton."Chambers, Vol. 3, p. 441. Given the play's strong similarities with Middleton's other works, the accuracy of this attribution has never been disputed. 19th-century critic Charles W. Stork suggested William Rowley as a possible collaborator, though his hypothesis has been rejected due to lack of supporting evidence.

Source and influences Middleton borrowed the main plot of No Wit from a 1589 play, a comedy by Giambattista Della Porta titled La Sorella ("The Sister"). In turn, Middleton's play served as a source for a contemporaneous Latin scholastic play by Samuel Brooke called Adelphe. The extant manuscript of Adelphe states that that play was first performed in 1611, a validation for the dating of Middleton's play.

The play's subplot, which centers on Master Low-Water – and which was original with Middleton rather than borrowed from another source – had a long theatrical life over the coming centuries. It was adapted for the 1677 play The Counterfeit Bridegroom, or The Defeated Widow, a work variously ascribed to either Aphra Behn or Thomas Betterton. The Counterfeit Bridegroom in turn was adapted into William Taverner's The Artful Husband (1717), which then became George Colman the Elder's The Female Chevalier (1778), which became both Alicia Sheridan's The Ambiguous Lover (1781) and William Macready the Elder's The Bank Note, or Lesson for Ladies (1795).Johnson, pp. xiii–xiv, xx–xxi.

Characters Prologue Sir Oliver Twilight, a rich old knight Philip his son, servant to Mistress Grace Sandfield, friend to Philip, servant to Mistress Jane Master Sunset, true father of Mistress Grace Master Low-Water, a decayed gentleman Sir Gilbert Lambstone, suitor to Lady Goldenfleece Master Weatherwise, suitor to Lady Goldenfleece Master Pepperton, suitor to Lady Goldenfleece Master Overdone, suitor to Lady Goldenfleece Master Beveril, brother to Mistress Low-water Dutch Merchant Dutch Boy Savourwit, Sir Oliver's man Footman Peccadillie, Lady Goldenfleece's Clown Servants Six of Weatherwise's Tenants Lady Twilight, Philip's Mother Lady Goldenfleece, a rich Widow Mistress Low-Water Mistress Grace, Sunset's daughter, but supposed Twilight's Mistress Jane, Twilight's daughter, but supposed Sunset's In the masque, presenters of three of the Winds

Synopsis

Prologue

The Prologue notes that it will be difficult to please everyone in the audience because everyone has come for different reasons: some for the wit, some for the costumes, some for comedy, some for passion, and some to arrange a lascivious meeting. But, despite this, the Prologue is confident that, as long as everyone can pay attention and understand the play, they will all be satisfactorily entertained.

Act I Scene 1: A street near Sir Oliver Twilight's house

Master Sandfield is ready to kill his friend, Philip Twilight, because he believes Philip has been courting the woman he loves, Jane Sunset. Philip's servant, Savourwit, prevents Sandfield from killing Philip by explaining that the match between Philip and Jane is all Philip's father's doing and Philip is already married! A complicated story unfolds:

Ten years ago, Sir Oliver Twilight's wife and daughter, Lady Twilight and Grace, were kidnapped by 'Dunkirks' (French marauders) as they were crossing the English Channel on their way to Jersey; they were consequently sold and separated. Twilight didn't hear anything from either of them until a few months ago, when he received a letter saying that his wife's freedom could be bought for six hundred crowns. Twilight sent Philip and Savourwit to Jersey with the ransom money. On the way there, Philip and Savourwit stopped in a small town, where they wasted most of the money on women and partying. Philip also met and married a young woman, Grace. With the money gone and nothing to show for it, Philip and Savourwit returned home and told Sir Oliver that Lady Twilight was dead; they also told him that Philip's new wife Grace was his long-lost daughter and the ransom money had been spent to buy her freedom. This entire scheme was the brainchild of Savourwit, who prides himself on his knack for 'invention'.

Sandfield congratulates Savourwit on his 'invention' and makes up with Philip. Savourwit tells the friends that he has a new scheme in mind:

Because Sir Oliver Twilight believes that his 'long-lost daughter' Grace is still a maiden, he has made arrangements to marry her off to Weatherwise, a silly old fool. To get rid of Weatherwise, Savourwit will tell Sir Oliver that Sandfield wants to marry Grace: he is certain that Sir Oliver will prefer Sandfield as a suitor, especially because Sandfield does not require a dowry. Thus, Sandfield can pretend to marry Grace (a marriage that will not be legal because Grace is already married to Philip) and Philip can pretend to marry Jane (a marriage that will not be legal because Philip is already married to Grace). The couples can all live together under Sir Oliver Twilight's roof, maintaining appearances during the day, and swapping spouses at night. This way, Philip can still be with his wife (even though he has to pretend that she is his sister during the day) and Sandfield can be with Jane (even though he will have to pretend that she is his sister-in-law during the day).

Lady Goldenfleece, a rich widow, enters, followed she by her suitors: Sir Gilbert Lambston, Master Pepperton, and Master Overdone. They are followed by the two old men, Sir Oliver Twilight and Master Sunset, and their daughters, Grace Twilight and Jane Sunset. Savourwit notes that Lady Goldenfleece's recently deceased husband was a notorious usurer; he nearly doubled his wealth shortly before he died by seizing the property of a gentleman named Master Low-water.

Lady Goldenfleece greets Jane and Grace and alludes to a 'secret' regarding the girls. They beg her to tell them what the secret is, but she refuses. In an aside, Jane says that she wishes Lady Goldenfleece would be more kind to her relatives, the Low-waters. Everyone exits except Sir Oliver Twilight and Savourwit. Savourwit tells Sir Oliver that Sandfield is desperate to marry Grace and will take her without a dowry. Sir Oliver is pleased and promises to get rid of Weatherwise immediately. Savourwit exits; Weatherwise enters. Sir Oliver tells Weatherwise that he has changed his mind and does not want him to marry Grace. Weatherwise says that he will become a suitor to Lady Goldenfleece.

Scene 2: A room in Low-water's house

Mistress Low-water mourns her family's ruin and curses Lady Goldenfleece. Jane enters to ask Mistress Low-water if she knows anything about the mysterious secret that Lady Goldenfleece alluded to earlier. Mistress Low-water says it might have something to do with "some piece of money or land" that was bequeathed to Grace and Jane "by some departing friend on their deathbed". Jane thanks Mistress Low-water and exits.

A footman enters with a letter for Mistress Low-water from Sir Gilbert Lambston, a wealthy knight. Sir Gilbert wants to make Mistress Low-water his mistress and, in the letter, promises to double his previous offer of money if she agrees. He expects to marry Lady Goldenfleece soon, and will thus be able to pay for Mistress Low-water for her sexual services. Mistress Low-water says that Sir Gilbert's villainy almost makes her feel sorry for her 'enemy' Lady Goldenfleece. She swears that she will never become Sir Gilbert's mistress, but says that the letter is "welcome," hinting that she has a plan in mind.

Sir Gilbert enters. Mistress Low-water asks him to give her one day to consider his offer. He agrees and exits. Master Low-water enters. Mistress Low-water tells him that she thinks she has a way to restore them to their former wealth. Master Low-water agrees to go along with her plan.

Scene 3: A room in Sir Oliver Twilight's house

A Dutch merchant enters with news from Sir Oliver's wife: she wonders why Sir Oliver hasn't sent a ransom for her yet. Sir Oliver is shocked to hear that his wife is still alive. He tells the merchant that he sent his son and servant with the ransom ten weeks ago; they brought his daughter back, but said that his wife had died. The Dutch Merchant vows that he has seen Lady Twilight alive within the past month and asks if he can see the 'daughter' that Philip and Savourwit brought back with them.

Grace enters. The Dutch Merchant says that he has seen her before, at an inn in Antwerp. Grace worries that she has been found out and tells the merchant that he must be mistaken. The merchant sees through Savourwit's scheme; he tells Sir Oliver that he has been deceived by his son and servant: his wife is not dead, and this is not his real daughter. Sir Oliver is not sure what he should believe. He sends Grace away. The Dutch merchant says that he must leave for a moment to attend to a business matter. He leaves his little son in Sir Oliver's care and promises to return soon.

Savourwit enters and Sir Oliver confronts him with the merchant's allegations. Savourwit denies all. To cover himself, Savourwit pretends to have a conversation in Dutch with the merchant's little son, who speaks in a kind of pidgin English. Savourwit's 'Dutch' is almost pure gibberish (words such as "pisse" surface occasionally). Savourwit tells Sir Oliver that the boy has told him that the Dutch Merchant is crazy, and prone to telling wild tales. Sir Oliver is still uncertain what he should believe.

The Dutch merchant re-enters. Sir Oliver tells him that Savourwit has spoken with his son, who claims that the Dutch Merchant is crazy. After conferring with his son, the Dutch Merchant says that Savourwit is lying. Sir Oliver realizes he has been deceived by Savourwit. He invites the Dutch merchant to stay at his home.

Act II Scene 1: A room in Weatherwise's house

Lady Goldenfleece is dining at Weatherwise's home with her suitors, Weatherwise, Sir Gilbert Lambston, Master Pepperton and Master Overdone. The suitors compete for Lady Goldenfleece's attention. Weatherwise is obsessed with almanacs, calendars, phases of the moon, the zodiac, etc. Lambston is the most aggressive suitor: he gives Lady Goldenfleece a big kiss in front of everyone. Pepperton and Overdone secretly agree to work together against Lambston.