The traditional Vietnamese wedding is one of the most important ceremonies in Vietnamese culture, which is influenced by Confucian and Buddhist ideologies.
Traditional Wedding Clothes
Traditional Vietnamese clothes have always been diverse depending on the area and occasion, so wedding clothes varied in style and trend throughout history. It was only after 1744 and during Nguyễn dynasty that men and women began to wear very elaborate (ancient formal áo dài with long sleeves) for their wedding ceremonies; this tradition still continues into the modern era with various trends and styles over the years. Nowadays, men would either follow suit with their own male version of the Áo dài or wear a tuxedo.
The traditional gowns were modelled after the áo nhật bình (worn by royalty women and ladies) of Nguyễn dynasty members of the court. The fashion trend of the Nguyễn dynasty has remained popular and is still used today by Vietnamese individuals both in and outside of Vietnam, with some couples altering the design slightly to modernise or suit their taste; the silhouette of the traditional gown still remains the same. The wedding gown compared to other traditional Vietnamese clothes is more intricate in terms of design and only reserved for the wedding days.
For brides, the outfit includes an extravagant (often transparent) outer cloak; some brides choose to not wear it in favour of showing off their dresses more or replace the cloak with an attached cape instead. Traditionally, no jewellery will be worn by the bride until later on in the ceremony; if worn, it was typically simple and can be easily taken off. Both brides and grooms, if the groom chooses to wear áo dài as well, wear a headpiece called a khăn vấn; the turban can range from simple and small to elaborate and big. Women would wear the female variation of the headpiece while men would wear the male one, which is smaller and simpler than the bride's. Both headpieces can be matching or contrasting the color of their gowns.
By tradition from Nguyễn dynasty, the gowns of the bride had many layers, including pink (hồng), blue or green (xanh), and the outermost layer was black. Huế brides wore red (điều - đỏ) layer inside a dark blue (xanh chàm) thin layer, the 2 colours mixed became purple colour. Nowadays, the wedding outfits can vary in colours. Reds and pinks remain a popular choice for brides while grooms go with blues or blacks. The bride and the groom can also have their traditional outfits match in color or design instead. In terms of design, the clothes are usually embroidered or beaded with imperial symbols such as a phoenix or dragon; nature imagery can also be seen.
These gowns are either custom made for the couple or rented from a bridal shop, like Western wedding outfits. Like the Áo dài, the wedding clothing design can range in sleeve length, collar type, and the type of materials used to create the gown. For the bride, the design is traditionally long sleeved and high collared. Wedding Áo dài for men do not vary much in design. Because the gown is typically made of lighter fabric, Vietnamese weddings that occur in colder regions outside of Vietnam will be scheduled during warmer seasons or the dresses will be designed to suit the colder climate.
Bridesmaids and groomsmen may also wear their áo dài as well. Bridesmaids will traditionally wear matching pink gowns or in a color contrasting the bride's own gown, and groomsmen can wear black, blue, or matching the bridesmaid gowns. The wearing of Áo dài by the bridesmaids and groomsmen is equivalent to like Western bridesmaid dresses and groomsmen tuxedos, with the gowns being much more simple compared to what the bride and groom wears. Depending on the couple's preferences, the bridesmaid and groomsmen may also wear their own khăn đóng, though a more plain and smaller one compared to the bride.
The rest of the wedding attendees will either wear their own respective Áo dài without the headpiece or formal Western clothes instead. Some attendees may wear traditional Vietnamese clothing for the beginning of the actual wedding ceremony and change into Western clothes afterwards for the reception or even earlier for the Western ceremony. It is often expected for all the women in both sides, especially the bride's, in the ceremony to wear an Áo dài.
Previous to the Nguyễn dynasty, it is likely that women simply wore fancy, elaborate versions of áo tứ thân.
The Proposal and Engagement The entire wedding process begins with the lễ dạm ngõ, or the proposal. The future groom's family visits the future bride's family to ask for permission for the soon-to-be groom and bride to be established as a couple. In the past, when marriages were commonly arranged by the parents or the extended family, this ceremony was used to begin preparations for the wedding, and the future bride was traditionally not present during the event. The purpose of marriage at the time was mainly to create an alliance between families within the community, so the lễ dạm ngõ is meant for both families to begin preparations for the said alliance that will occur. Unlike many events that will occur during the actual wedding, the proposal is very informal; only immediate family members (mostly the parents) are involved and arrangements were done over drinks and food; the groom's family traditionally will provide the wine, sweets, betel leaves and areca nuts as a symbol of their agreement. The families will use this time to also discuss the dowry and other conditions that need to be addressed. The wedding (and possibly the engagement) date will be chosen during the proposal. This is typically decided by a Buddhist monk, Spiritual leader, or fortune teller due to the spiritual nature of the occasion, and the date is based on the couple's horoscopes; because of this, the proposal may last for a few days to finalise plans and dates.
An engagement ceremony, called the Đám Hỏi, usually occurs half a year or so before the wedding. The engagement ceremony serves as an announcement to the rest of the community that a wedding will take place soon and marks the day that the future bride is now the fiancée of the future groom.
The ceremony was mainly used to announce that the arrangement is confirmed and the wedding shall happen; usually the bride and groom will have no final say in the matter, but some are consulted based on many factors such as interests and horoscopes. It was not unusual for the future bride and groom to meet for the first time on the day of their engagement. However, in the last few decades, the practice of arranged marriages became obsolete, and the engagement ceremony is barely practised. Those that still celebrate the ceremony typically do so as a means to simply announce the engagement; it is a general party that kickstarts the upcoming wedding.
The Đám Hỏi is similar to the actual wedding ceremony, though more simpler and with some variations. The future groom's family and friends will go to his future bride's home with offerings; traditionally, these gifts are fruits, betel leaves, areca leaves, wine, tea, fruits, cakes, tobacco, jewellery and a roasted pig. The gifts are contained in amount of lacquer boxes, called mâm quả, that are covered in red paper or cloth and carried by the younger unmarried men of the future groom's family; the amount of each gift is even (with the exception of the roasted pig) while the amount of boxes are odd. (In Vietnamese culture, odd numbers and red symbolise luck for the young couple). The future groom and his entourage will wait at the door until the other family says the bride is ready. Once the group is accepted into the home, the gifts are received by the same number of younger unmarried women from the future bride's side. Refreshments prepared by the future bride's side are made ready to be served to the other family members. A representative from each family will introduce the family members of both sides respectively; the representatives by tradition are respected male elders of each family, and introductions begin with the future groom's side. The representative of the first side will explain their purpose of being there and their request for the future bride's hand in marriage. Once the gifts are unwrapped and approved by the future bride's family, the future bride herself is then brought out. She will then pour tea or water to invite her future groom's family and the future groom will conversely do the same for her family. Some of the gifts brought in will be placed on the ancestral altar. The future bride and groom will burn incense to notify the future bride's ancestors of the engagement. Jewelry, typically an engagement ring, a pair of earrings, and at least one circular gold necklace called a kiềng, will then be placed onto the future bride. The ceremony will either end or a simple banquet hosted by the future bride's side will occur afterwards. During the ceremony, both members attending may either wear an Áo dài or formal Western clothing. The future bride in particular may wear an Áo dài that had been gifted to her by her own family in celebration for her upcoming engagement.
Traditionally, future brides would embroider a pair of lovebirds, known as chim uyên ương, and give them to their fiancé during the ceremony. The gift was the equivalent to today's engagement ring, and the birds symbolise fidelity and love.
The Wedding Ceremony Weddings in the past were also seen as family reunions; family members from the bride's side will travel to the bride's house a few days prior to participate in the wedding. These members will help with the preparation for the wedding and serve as witnesses to the ceremony.
The wedding itself consists of an extensive set of ceremonies: asking permission to receive the bride, receiving the bride at her house, and bringing the bride to the groom's house. Both Vietnamese and oversea-Vietnamese who desire to have a hybrid traditional Vietnamese and Western-style wedding will often incorporate a Western-style wedding ceremony. At the end of the ceremonies, there is a wedding reception for the two families and their guests.
Asking to Receive the Bride Before the wedding day, the groom's family would make a trip to the bride's home with a gift of betel nuts to officially ask permission to receive the bride. At this time, the bride's family would confirm the wedding and further proceedings would take place.
This now obsolete ceremony was used in the past to confirm—last minute—that the marriage would still take place; this ceremony was more so used to confirm that the wedding would proceed and the bride has not run away. Permission must be asked by the groom and his family or the marriage will not take place. Once asked and approved, the groom will be welcomed and the bride may be received in the next stage of the ceremony.
In modern times, families that still perform this ceremony do so in an informal setting done over snacks and drinks. It served as a chance for immediate in-laws to get acquainted with each other and start wedding plan discussions. Often, this part of the ceremony can span days.
An engagement party may be held 6 months before the wedding. This party serves to announce the couple's upcoming nuptials and follows a similar process as the wedding, though in a more casual setting. The bride and groom do not wear their wedding gowns; the former may wear an Áo dài gifted to her by her family as a wedding gift.
Receiving the Bride at Her House